Steven
Anything you need. Hey, will you watch us on Wednesday?
My eyebrows rose. But it was a pretty normal question. Wasn’t it?
Kai
There’s another watch party, but I have lab that day and we’ll be in the field. Time difference.
The flight attendant brought us food. As I ate, worry for Kai grew inside me.
“I wish I could do something about it.” I frowned, distressed.
“I know. All we can do is be there for her if she wants us to,” Steven assured.
Desperately, I wanted Kai to still need us, want us, even though the bubble we’d been in last week had popped.
The flight landed. It was late, but at least I’d get a few hours in bed. We had practice, but it was in the afternoon.
“Are you okay? You and Steven seemed pretty worked up over something,” Rhett asked as we disembarked the plane.
“Kai’s ex is causing problems, and I’m not sure what to do about it,” I sighed.
“Do you need to do something about the ex? Weren't you just fuck buddies?” he asked.
My shoulders slumped, and Rhett raised an eyebrow.
“Oh,” he said, making it multiple syllables. “You're down bad for them. You do realize that, right?”
“Yeah. But what can I do about it? Hopefully we’ll see them this summer.” Though Kai hadn’t said the dates were okay yet. Then again, it had only been a day or two and they were still planning the trip with their brother.
“Why not sooner?” he prodded.
“Kai has class. A life. Graduation.” My head bowed. We didn’t fit in it.
“And so does Carys. You being around them doesn't require their life to be put on hold.”
I sighed again. “True.”
But how did we even manage it?
Steven and I went home. He went straight to the shower, but I curled up in the blankets on the couch. The crocheted ones that still smelled like lemon candy. I wanted to send Kai a text, maybe,Wish you were here.But I alsodidn’t want Kai to feel guilty. They had enough going on with classes and that awful ex.
“Ash, are you good?” Steven came back out, hair wet, wearing only boxers.
“I don’t know what to do with Kai going back,” I confessed. “I really like them. And I know, I really liked Charlotte, too–and look how that turned out. But Kai’s nothing like that. At the same time, we’re in two very different parts of our lives. We’re ready for an omega. But they’ve just had a bad breakup. They only have a couple months left of their undergraduate degree going into a PhD program, on an island thousands of miles away from us. We were just a fling and I wish we weren’t.” It all gushed out, like a dam had broken.
“Oh.” Steven crawled under the blankets and held me. “I miss Kai, too. We’ll see them for Renn Faire.”
I gave him a look. “Do you really think they’ll come?”
“Well, yes, I already got the costumes.” Steven’s brow furrowed. “If Kai can't, it's because of the trip with her brother, not because she doesn’t want us.”
“Yes, but wanting us, wanting to be with us, and being able to be with us, are all very different things.” I closed my eyes, leaning into him.
“We can talk to Kai about it next time we see her. I’m willing to give her time. We can just text and video call for now. No labels. No stress. Just being with each other when we’re able to.” Steven sighed. “Sorry, that’s all I can come up with. I mean you do want to wait, right? Or do you want to find someone else?”
“No.” It was quick, but the thought of being with someone else made me want to vomit. “But we can’t ask Kai to give anything up for us.”
