I’m rendered speechless by his words. He is exactly right. My bedroom, my entire apartment is my safe haven from the outside world. It’s where I allow myself to be me. Somedays that’s big Chloe playing with her vibrator after reading a sex scene in one of my romance novels and other times it’s little Chloe cuddled up with all my animals watching princess movies.
Tyler pulls me into his arms for a tight hug before releasing me. "Come on. Let's eat. Then we'll talk."
We settle on my couch with containers of Pad Thai and spring rolls spread across the coffee table.
"This is amazing," I say around a mouthful of noodles. "How did you know Thai is my favorite?"
"You mentioned it three weeks ago. You were telling a customer about a food tour you wanted to take and how Thai would be your first stop."
"You remember that?"
"I remember everything about you." He takes a bite of his own food. "So, last night made me realize we needed to have a deeper talk about our dynamic. What we both want and what boundaries we need to set. I haven’t given you any real rules and I corrected your attitude a few times yesterday. I know you were really tired from having to get up early and open but I also think you might have been testing me to see what I would do. Testing is very much a normal part of this dynamic, but I think we should be very clear moving forward."
My stomach flutters with nerves. "Okay."
"I've been doing some thinking about what kind of structure would work best for you and what rules would help you take better care of yourself without feeling controlling."
"And?"
"I have some ideas. But I need you to be honest with me about whether they work for you. This only functions if we're both getting what we need."
"I'll be honest. I promise."
He sets down his food and turns to face me fully. "Rule one: Three meals a day. And, I mean, real meals with protein and vegetables, not just coffee and pastries. You can have treats, but not as meal replacements." He’s seen me when my blood sugar crashes and the way my energy is directly related to the food I consume.
"Okay. That's reasonable."
"Rule two: The shop closes at your scheduled time unless there's a genuine emergency. No staying late just to avoid going home to an empty apartment. You’ll go to bed at a reasonable time and or take naps when you have to be up early to open the shop."
I flinch because he's absolutely right, that's exactly what I do. I’ve been known to stay there until almost midnight just to avoid coming home.
"How did you know?"
"I’ve driven by at night and seen the lights on and you sitting at a table. Because I used to do the same thing. Work became easier than dealing with loneliness. After my divorce, coming home to a house that had previously been filled with noise from the children and my wife... was hard. But that's not healthy long-term."
"What changed for you?"
"Therapy. And realizing that avoiding feelings doesn't make them go away, it just makes them build up until they explode." His hand finds mine. "You don't have to be lonely anymore, Chloe. You have me, the girls in your book club and people like Jess, who care about you."
My throat tightens. "Okay. I'll try to close on time."
"Good. Rule three: You'll check in with me at least once a day, letting me know how you're doing. I want to know if you'restressed or overwhelmed or need support. This text will be different than our normal texts, it will be a wellness check-in."
"What if I forget?"
"Then I'll remind you. But if you consistently forget, we'll need to talk about why. Whether you're avoiding vulnerability or if the rule needs adjustment and if you are avoiding or intentionally breaking the rule, you’ll have consequences."
"That's fair."
"Rule four: You'll be honest with me about your feelings, even when it's hard, or if you're scared I'll judge you or leave." His eyes are intense on mine. "I can't take care of you properly if I don't know what you're feeling."
"What if my feelings are messy or irrational?"
"Then they're messy or irrational. But they're still valid and worthy of being heard." He squeezes my hand. "I'm not going anywhere, sweetheart. I won’t leave you if things get hard or if you're struggling. I'm here for all of it. I’ll help you work through the hard, if I can’t fix it, I’ll carry some of it for you."
"I'm not used to that level of care.”
"Then get used to it. Because I'm not like other people." He squeezes my hand. "Now. Rule five is the big one. The one we need to talk about extensively before we implement it."
