“I am ready to be your husband, but I want to come to you worthy of being the father to your children.”
Her insides tightened.
“Give me until the Himachal Pradesh State elections.” He begged. “And I will give you my entire life.”
Her throat was already clogged, now her eyes went blurry. Her foot tapped incessantly, bleeding the impatience inside her, feeding the fear building over. What if…
“Say it.”
“What if you are still not ready after that?”
“I will be.”
“How are you so confident?”
“Because there is nothing else I want to achieve more in life than you.”
Amaal felt like crying as well as throwing herself into his arms for the things he was saying, for the things he had clearly thought out, and thought out while keeping her in mind. She shook her head. “How will this even work? What will this be? An extension of the last six months? Just skimming through life updates and important conversations and work…”
“Amaal.” He gathered her close. She breathed. Breathed him in. Staring at the button of his shirt.
“Do you want me like this?”
She met his eyes. He smiled — “I know you are frustrated, I know your patience with me is ending. Our age is passing. I am 40! I can’t even think about it right now or I will fall off the line I am walking. But you made me walk it, you made me look at an end goal. Didn’t you ask me once that long distance is doable but what’s the end date?”
She nodded.
“October 2019 is the end date.”
“I will get you then?”
“You already have me. You’ve had me for a long time.”
“Since when?” She asked, needing him. Needing this reassurance. Needing to be the vulnerable half today. Samar’s mouth split into a smile as big as the hope in his eyes. He pushed the hair off her shoulder and cupped the side of her neck — “Since the day you tried to attack me with your pain relief spray behind Lal Chowk.”
She grinned, getting his mouth. Amaal let him push her back, let his tongue dominate hers, flowed with him as he kissed her. And then, abruptly, he was up, striding away from her. She sat up, shocked, when she saw him unbutton his shirt. Amaal gaped, unblinking, as the shirt fell and his back was revealed to her. Completely. For the first time. Without her asking.
The skin glowed in the lamplight, melted, now more firm because he was also building muscle. The red streaks had now turned whiter. It could be a hideous sight for anybody else. For her, it was the sight of life.
Samar turned, and she saw his chest. Not as melted as his back, but patchy with burns. She had seen it, but not like this — not without asking for it. He took his steps towards her, and her heartbeat shot up. She couldn’t foresee where this was going, equal parts exited and scared. And then he was in front of her, the waistband of his pants in front of her eyes. Where men had happy trails, he had melted skin disappearing into his waistband. Her fingers rose to touch him, then stopped.
“Unbuckle my belt.”
Amaal glanced up.
He was staring at her, dark eyes intense behind those specs. She swallowed. She wanted to confirm if he was sure but her fingers had a mind of their own. They began to unbuckle his belt, the clank of metal doing things to her that should be embarrassing at this age.
“Take it off.”
She pulled his belt off. And waited, fingers frozen mid-air over his button.
“Do it.”
Amaal unsnapped the button and slowly pulled the zipper down. He wasn’t tenting like he once used to, but she could see the outline, feel the bulge over the back of her hand. She caressed it, then stopped. Samar’s hands rose, and he pushed the waistband down enough to pull himself out and the first thing she saw were the pale welts across the skin. His oldest scars. Testament to his life’s other strongest survival. Her fingers again moved, then stilled.
“Don’t stop.” He said.
And she took him in her hands, feeling like the most powerful woman in the world when he inhaled. She stroked him, and felt every ridge, every scar, every memory that he had called hideous and spent a lifetime burning. Amaal stared up at him and his head was thrown back, his breath heavy, eyes on her through his specs. She squeezed. And his mouth dropped open.
