“What do you want to do, Samar?”
He glared at her — “If this is your way of starting the let’s separate conversation…”
She shook her head. “It just seems this was never meant to be. Look how difficult it is already, and we haven’t even started a life together.”
“Fuck this!” He shot to his feet. “I was happily dying there and then you pulled me here.”
Amaal caught his elbow, pulling him back down — “This is not the end.”
“It might as well be.”
“But it is not.”
“Are you sure?”
“You frustrate the hell out of me, but there is nobody I want here but you.”
“This is getting too toxic for you.” He nodded at the garden outside her window. “That’s you. Not this.” He pointed his chin to his chest. “I will burn the world for a while but I’ll be ok if you move on. I swear I will be.”
“Samar.”
He breathed hard, feeling the panic of being without her twist his insides already. How would he cope with it? What would he do after it?
She shook her head. “Let’s give it a chance. One last chance.”
Hope. Right there. He wanted to leap and gather it with both hands but some mature part of him prevailed. The fear of losing her, forever, had lit up some deep corner of his psyche that wanted to become worthy of her, forever. Samar nodded, and found words leaving his mouth — “But it can’t be like it’s been so far.”
“What do you mean?”
He felt a thorn stick in his throat at the words that were about to come out. He hadn’t thought this in his wildest dreams, but here he was, telling her his most instinctive, most impulsive direction about where they would be heading. Towards a future, but not together. At least, not yet.
“Samar.”
“Six months.” He said.
“Six months?”
He nodded. “Give me six months to tell you if I will ever become worthy of you.”
“And after six months?”
“I won’t have the right to stop you from moving on.”
She stilled.
“I hate this, Amaal. I am helpless with all that is happening, all that I am doing, and I am helpless in helping myself or you or anybody. I don’t know when I became such a loser…”
“You saved three lives and an entire house full of people.” Her voice thickened.
“I am paying the price of sins far greater than some random act of redemption.”
“Then take your six months.”
He stared into her eyes.
“I have hope in unlimited stock here, but even I don’t know where we will be at the end of six months,” she said honestly. “I have to let you do it this time. Because my being with you is not helping, my being away is not helping. Do what you have to do. I am here.”
Samar nodded. She rubbed her hands over her face.
