Lawson: Hey, what the fuck, man?
Fox: Sorry, but you’re on your own with this one. Messing with Keller is like unleashing a barely restrained rabid dog.
Me: Thanks, Foxy. That might be the nicest thing you’ve ever said about me.
Me: As for you, Lawsy, you can go fuck yourself.
Lawson: Oh, so YOU can be honest, but I can’t? How is that fair?
Me: Life isn’t fair.
Lawson: You’re the worst.
Lawson: Are you coming to the damn party or not?
Fox: Lilah and I are in.
Hutch: We’ll be there.
Locke: Yeah, man, wouldn’t miss it.
Hayes: Quinn is more than ready to let loose after this semester, so we’ll definitely be there.
Lawson: …Keller?
Me: What?
Lawson: *eye roll emoji*
Lawson: Are you coming to Top Shelf, or are you going to sulk alone all night while we have fun?
Me: Why should I?
Lawson: You shouldn’t. I don’t care what you do.
Me: Then fine. I won’t go.
Lawson: OH MY GOD ARE YOU SERIOUS WHY ARE YOU BEING SUCH A BUTTHOLE RIGHT NOW
Fox: …butthole?
Hutch: I won’t lie, I laughed.
Hayes: I did too.
Locke: We’re all a bunch of twelve-year-olds.
Lawson: Except you. You’re still an old man, Lockey Poo.
Locke: I swear I’ll rescind my RSVP.
Lawson: Noooooooooooo
Lawson: I take it back. You’re not old, even if you do sound extra old saying shit like “rescind.” Nope. You’re not old at all.
Hayes: I could hear the sarcasm dripping from every word.
Locke: Me fucking too.
