Lawson: If Daisy had a baby and I cried, I would NEVER hear the end of it!
Me: That’s because Daisy is your DOG. Why would you cry??
Lawson: Because it’s beautiful! Just like Jacob’s wedding, which is why I cried. Do you know how much of a love-hater that guy was before he met his wife? And how now he’s all sappy and in love and shit? It’s romantic as fuck.
Hayes: He was pretty bad.
Hutch: Worse than Keller?
Hayes: Is ANYONE worse than Keller?
Locke: Yeah, not sure that’s possible.
Fox: Come on, guys. Kells isn’t that bad.
Lawson: Foxy Baby, I love you, but you’re full of shit.
Fox: I love you, too, buddy.
Hayes: Yeah, sorry, but you’re delusional if you think that. He’s very clearly that bad.
Locke: Didn’t he block us all on Christmas because he didn’t want to see our family photos?
Hutch: To be fair, I think that was because Lawsy wouldn’t stop sending pictures of all twenty of his dogs in pajamas.
Lawson: It’s not twenty! I only have three…and one cat, though Hades is technically Rory’s. He hates me.
Lawson: And those matching pajamas were fucking adorable! Rory and I had them on, too. She even cracked a smile in one photo!
Lawson: He blocked us because he’s sad he’s the only single guy in the Serpents Singles Club now.
Me: He’s also in this godforsaken group chat and can see you assholes talking about him.
Me: And he’s not sad. He just doesn’t have the patience for anyone else’s bullshit.
Lawson: Soooo…you’re jealous.
Me: The fuck I am.
Lawson: J-E-A-L-O-U-S
Me: Congrats. You can spell. Want a sandwich?
Lawson: A sandwich? Aren’t you supposed to offer me a cookie?
Me: A knuckle cookie doesn’t sound nearly as appealing as a knuckle sandwich.
Lawson: See? All he does is resort to violence. I bet it’s all that pent-up rage he has because he’s jealous we’re all happy and in love, and he’s probably sitting on his couch like some lonely loser with nobody to hang out with on New Year’s Eve.
Hutch: Whoa
Hayes: Damn, Lawsy. You’re brave.
Lawson: Brave or just honest?
Locke: Definitely brave.
Fox: Or dumb.
