“Remember: everyone goes at their own pace, Chloe. Maybe those people understood themselves better. Or maybe they worked through it with their partner. Or perhaps they’re just really, really good at pretending. Sometimes things aren’t as magical as they appear.”
I pretended for a long time, and it was because I felt like I had to. I didn’t want to rock the boat, not when Callum already had so much on his plate with hockey and worrying about contracts or being sat out of games. I didn’t feel as if what I was going through was big enough…until it was.
“Are you happy now?”
A wide grin stretches across her lips. “Yes, very much so. After things fell apart, I took time to get to know myself in every possible way. I spent time alone. I made new friends. I went to school, and I got a job that worked for me and me alone. It didn’t matter if my choices made sense to anyone else. They were right forme, and that was all I cared about.”
I can hear the unspoken words loud and clear:Don’t take the job for Callum. Take it if it’s what you truly want.
Honestly, itiswhat I want. I haven’t doubted that at all. My ability to do the job? Yeah, I question that all the time. But the position itself? No, it’s everything I’ve been working toward, and that goal hasn’t changed, even with Callum knowing about it now.
“And things with Dad? They’re good?”
Her smile grows even more. “Yes, very good. Your father and I talk about everything. There are no secrets between us. Every little good and bad moment…we share them all. It’s the only way we’re able to work through our problems when they arise. If one of us ever feels like we aren’t happy, we tell the other person,and we put in the work. I know marriage sounds fun, and a lot of people think you’ll never have any issues again once you slip those rings on, but the real relationship has only just begun. You have to keep showing up for your partner every day, as well as yourself. It’s exhausting, but it can be so rewarding too.”
I think that’s where I made the biggest mistake with Callum. I stopped talking to him, and I bottled everything up. I tried to shoulder it myself. I forgot I was supposed to be a partner, and not just a wife.
We sit in silence for a while. My mother sips on her tea, and I do the same.
“Do you still talk to him? Your ex-husband?” I ask when the ice in my tea is melted and the glass is sweating all over my sweater, which is still way too warm.
“Not anymore. We stayed friends for a long time, though. He helped me apply to school, and I helped him set up his handyman business. I even helped him hire his future wife.” She laughs. “I don’t have any regrets, aside from hurting him the way I did. I’m glad I went through it. I needed it, or else I wouldn’t have gotten here. I wouldn’t have your dad, and I wouldn’t have you. In the end, it all worked out just as it should.”
I hope it works out for me, too, even if that does mean a future without Callum. I don’t want it to, but I now know sometimes life doesn’t turn out the way you plan it to, and maybe that’s okay.
“Any other marriages I should know about?”
Mom lets out a loud laugh. “No. Just the two.”
“Good. I was worried I might have another almost dad out there.”
She rolls her eyes, but I see the way her lips twitch. A few more minutes go by before she says something else I wasn’t expecting.
“You know, I think I might have made a mistake with you.”
I pause. “What do you mean?”
“Well, I pushed you. First, into biology, then away from me because I thought I knew best when it came to you and your relationship with Callum. You were young, but you were an adult too, and I should have respected that more. I just didn’t want you to go through what I did, but I should have let you figure it out, just as I needed to. I’m sorry for that, Chloe. I truly am. I don’t know what this means for us or if you’ll forgive me, but please know that your feelings right now…they’re valid. Even if you don’t understand them, they’re still allowed to exist.”
I swallow roughly, and this time when my tears fall, I don’t bother trying to wipe them away. I want her to see how her words have affected me, and just how badly I needed to hear them.
She gets up and wraps me in her arms, holding me tightly as I work through everything we just shared. It’s far more than I was expecting to get when I hopped on the plane to come here, but it’s somehow everything I was looking for too.
When she finally releases me, I feel lighter in a way I haven’t in a long, long time, and I feel ready to do the work, as she said. With myself, and with Callum too.
“Can I ask you something else?” I ask once she’s settled back into her rocking chair.
“I think at this point, I’m an open book.”
“Callum mentioned that he sent you and Dad packing when you went to get my stuff in Chicago. Is that true?”
She grins, nodding. “Yes, it’s true. I was pissed, especially since we drove all that way, but deep down, I was proud of him, too. It was actually the first indication that maybe… Maybe I didn’t make the best choice with you. He loved you so fiercely.”
“He still does.”
“I know, Chloe girl. I know.”
“Is that why you never told me about it? Because you had regrets?”
