“This…?” If I pretend not to know what she’s talking about, will it all go away?
“The Suitor show. The Suitorette, actually. The fact that Princess Lyra is the Suitorette.”
It’s not going away. I’m really going to have to deal with this. I stare out at the water, afraid to look at Abigail. “Lyra can do what she wants,” I offer. “It’s no business of mine.”
“Oh, but it is, Spencer. And now it’s my business.” She turns back to the water just in time to see a pelican swoop down to grab an afternoon snack.
She points it out, and I think it’s all over.
But no. Abigail is just getting started. “I’m all for Princess Lyra doing what she wants,” she says in a flat voice. “But her going on a reality dating show means there will be many men falling in love with her. Good for her, if that’s what she wants. But unfortunately for you, you’re going to have to watch that all play out. You’re going to have to watch her fall in love with one of them. Maybe more. And that’s going to hurt.”
This is exactly what Hettie said.
I know there’s always been that possibility—that Lyra will fall in love with someone else—but the blunt way Abigail talks about it, like it’s a done deal, hits harder than I expect.
“I don’t want to see you get hurt.” She sounds so sad, like it’s already happened.
“I won’t be hurt. Why would I?” There are reasons, none of which I’m about to list for Abigail, or even myself.
Deny, deny, deny. It works for a lot of things.
“You really think that? What do you honestly think about Lyra going on the show?” Abigail asks.
“I don’t know,” I admit because it’s the truth. Since Odin called, I haven’t let myself process the fact that Lyra…
I swallow painfully. Still don’t want to process, especially in front of Abigail.
Abigail is my girlfriend. She’s the person I want to be with.
Our names sound right together when we enter a store. We hang out with Hettie and Bo, and it’s fun. It’s comfortable with Abigail.
“You were quiet,” she persists. “You didn’t say anything. That’s not a good thing.”
“I can be quiet.”
“That’s not what I mean. The way I look at it, you can deal with it in a few ways.” She finally glances over her shoulder at me, like she’s asking for permission to continue. I usually like hearing Abigail’s theories, so I motion for her to go ahead. She holds up a finger. “You can make a big deal about it, which means that you have a problem with it.”
She pauses, so I think she wants my thoughts. “I—”
But she doesn’t let me finish. “And that would mean that it’s obvious you have feelings for her.” She holds up a second finger. “Or you can be so non-committal that I have to believe it means nothing to you, other than your best friend’s sister doing something you don’t agree with.” She looks pointedly at me, but I’m afraid to say anything.
Abigail smiles sadly. “Or you can be quiet, which means I have no idea what you’re thinking. And maybe you don’t either.”
“There’s nothing between me and Lyra,” I say after a pause. Is it too long of a pause? Does that mean something?
“Is that by choice?” Abigail asks gently. “Or because you’ve never had the opportunity? Because, Spence, this would be a great opportunity.”
“What? How?Why?” The questions bubble and I’m so shocked that none of them are making sense. “What are you trying to tell me?”
“I’m not telling you anything. I wantyouto tellmeyou don’t care about Lyra dating twenty-five men and possibly falling in love with them. I want you to tell me that if Lyra fell in love on that show, that you would only wish her the best. That you wouldn’t regret not taking a chance with her for the rest of your life.”
I pause and it feels like this one really does go on forever. I open and shut my mouth a few times before I can find the words.
“I can’t tell you that,” I finally admit.
From the expression on Abigail’s face, I don’t think they are the right words.
“Would you have ever admitted it to me? Or just let me go on thinking I was the one you really wanted to be with?” She turns to me and I have to face her. Face this.
