I don’t hesitate. Instead, I lean closer before answering, “Yes,”
His pupils flare. “That’s great.”
I smile back because I mean it. Even if I’m not completely ready to trust what it might lead to.
.
23
CYCLE: A STRATEGY WHERE PLAYERS ROTATE POSITIONS ALONG THE BOARDS TO MAINTAIN PUCK POSSESSION
When my name is called at Dr. Halvorsen’s office, I’m eager to slide into the chair opposite his. “Good to see you, Brennan. How were the exercises I assigned?”
I close my eyes for a moment before answering, because the truth is heavier than I expected after my coffee with Amy. “I started them. They were…challenging.”
Dr. Halvorsen nods. “Apologies are hard. Especially when they require absolute honesty instead of cycling through excuses.”
I blink, startled. “That’s…surprisingly accurate.”
He folds his hands over his notepad. “Do you want to read them to me?”
“Want?” No. I wish I never had to write them in the first place.
“Need? Choose? Take your pick.” He gestures to the folder sitting beside me.
I lift the folder and explain, “I wrote both.”
“Who do you want to start with?”
“Amy.” She’s the catalyst for me changing how I look at myself.
He lifts his pen and gestures to me. “Whenever you’re ready.”
I slide out the letter slowly and read aloud.
Amy,
If you’re reading this, it means I’m taking the time to say what I should have long ago without excuses.
I’m sorry. Not just for how we ended but for what I failed to do—support you when you needed me most. I was afraid, overwhelmed, convinced that silence was the safest choice even though it hurt you. I chose to believe wrongful lies over your attempt to tell me the truth.
You’re braver than I am. This week, you invited me in. Asked me into your class.
Then I remembered something else.
How you stormed into your principal’s office to defend a student who was in a situation similar to the one you endured. You didn’t hesitate. You didn’t mince words. You acted, even when it could have had consequences.
It reminded me of how cowardly I was. I backed away so fast when you needed me, I’m surprised I didn’t trip on my own skates. I allowed rumors to shape my decision instead of listening to you, then using my voice to defend you.
I’m sorry I wasn’t brave enough then. I’m sorry for my lack of belief adding to your pain.
Still, I can’t believe you asked for my help.
I want to be there for you as you move into the future you deserve. Not to make up for my actions or because I think I’m worthy of forgiveness, but because you deserve a future that holds love. The kind of love built on respect.
My apology isn’t a demand for redemption. Nor is it for you to acknowledge or take action. It’s an appreciation of the harm I caused and the work I still need to do to become a man you respect.
If, someday, you are able to forgive me, I’ll likely cry as hard as you did the day I walked out due to my shame.
