I swallow the bile sitting in my throat while she lets out a ragged breath.
“Me and Mama tried to hide in the hallway bathroom like we always did. Mama had one of those old, heavy armoires that she got from Grandma. She’d push it in front of the door and tell me to ‘hush’ while he tried to ram his body through it to get to her. One day it was just too heavy for her to push, or maybe she was too exhausted from fighting.”
She shuffles against my chest and her breathing picks up.
“She didn’t even scream when he crashed through the door and pointed his gun at her. She just flung her body on top of mine as if he cared enough about me to take me with them or something.” She chuckles, staring out into my dark backyard with a complacent look on her face. “I ran three streets over to a neighbor’s house in the rain with Mama’s brains all over me. I remember I knocked on the front door and when our neighbor answered her face turned so pale I thought she had died too. She called the cops, and they came withtheirpale faces and looks of pity. It was the first time I ever saw a cop up close. One of them carried me around while she questioned our neighbors about Tony and Mama and their perfect relationship. Her name was Detective Soto and…and she hugged me to her chest when I told her what I saw him do to my mama. She was the first person to hug me that night. Mama didn’t even get to because she was too busy arguing with Tony about a fuckin man he thought she was looking at while we shopped in Target.”
I’ve never wanted to crawl into somebody’s head before, but here I am, trying to figure out how I can break into Slim’s brain and erase all the bad memories she keeps reliving.
“One time, I asked Aunt Faye if Tony even loved me because I can’t remember his touch or his smell. She said not to worry. She said the memories would come back, but that was fifteen years ago and I still can’t even tell you what he smelled like, but…but I knowyoursmell, Rich. It literally lives in me. It’s not yourcologne or…or body wash. It’s in your skin. But wha…what does that mean?”
My heart stutters in the same rhythm of her words. “What does what mean?”
“What does it mean if I can’t remember shit about Tony Sinclair’s smell, but I can remembereverythingabout Rich Lovelace’s? I can be blindfolded in a room full of men and still find you, and fifteen years from now, I know it’ll still be the same.”
I think Slim might be the epitome of all those pussy problems Senior says I have—the one he says I should stay far away from if I ever come across it.
She looks up with her nostrils flared. “I…I can’t even call that man ‘Dad’ because it doesn’t feel natural. Tell me what all of this means.”
I open my mouth and choke on my words, and a loud sob jolts out of her. It rings through the night air as her shoulders shake and tears fall down her cheeks.
“Shhh…” I mutter, pulling her body as far into mine as it’ll go. “Hush.”
“Tell me!” she sobs. “And don’t you pour sugar over shit either.”
I run my nose along her face and press my lips against the shell of her ear while my heart stutters against my chest. Then the words topple out of my mouth in a sloppy free fall before I can stop them.
“It just means that you were born for me. It took some time for us to find each other, that’s all, baby,” I murmur, rocking her. “But you were never his …or…or Kenny’s to take care of. You were always mine to take care of—just mine. That’s all it means.”
Another ragged breath shakes her body, and she claws at my chest to get closer to me even though we can’t get any closer. Sheshuffles around, turning in my arms and staring up at the night sky as another crackle of thunder shakes the porch.
I swipe my finger across that tiny scar again, trying to absorb all the pain woven into its dips and curves.
Arnez just really didn’t fuckin get it.
She didn’t know how important it was to cherish these moments because they weren’t forever. They were all fickle—here today and gone tomorrow, just like Beatrice said Honey had been.
Slim breathes out, swiping at her face while the rain falls harder. “So how’d you know?”
“What you talking about?” I whisper, stooping down and pressing my lips against her ear. “How’d I know what?”
“How’d you know what AJ did to me? How’d you see through me like that?”
“I just…knew.”
“I told you I don’t want sugar over shit.”
My heart drums in that stuttering rhythm.
I swipe the tears from her cheeks and grab her head, turning it to the side. She lets me pull her bottom lip into my mouth and suckle on it, then lets me trace my tongue across her soft lips because somewhere along the way I fucked up. Now, she hates every stupid ass man—except for me.
“Tell me…” she mutters around my mouth. “Tell me how you saw through me. I’m telling you what I want and you’re supposed to give it to me.”
I leave a trail of kisses from her lips to her ear.
“Because you and Arnez are kind of the same,” I whisper.
“Oh yeah? How?”
