He felt the wooden seat jerk as she straightened up and threw herself against the back of the seat. ‘And I fell in love with him all over again.’
The disgust in her voice was palpable.
‘It happens,’ he said, not having a clue. Had he ever been in love? With Estela, it had been close, but they’d never had a chance to find out. She hadn’t stuck around and he had too many other things to worry about to care about her giving up when the going got tough.
‘Tell me about it. Of course, I couldn’t say anything. Stepping into a dead woman’s shoes. So I kept it to myself because he was still grieving and I hoped it would pass. Two years went by, and we were best friends. I was his go-to plus-one… because he had no idea.’
Felipe frowned but refrained from voicing his immediate thought that maybe this guy had been using her. His hand tightened on Rebecca’s, angry on her behalf.
‘This summer I… Well, my cousin, Anna, fell in love and…’ Rebecca paused. ‘She and Leo… They live in Prague. They are so happy and I realised… I want what they have.’
She closed her eyes and slumped on the seat, the picture of despair, then released his hand and dropped her head into her hands. Moved, Felipe put an arm around her. Or maybe it was the sudden loss of contact.
‘Hey, it can’t be that bad, can it?’
She huffed out another unhappy laugh. ‘Depends on your definition of bad.’
‘Tell me and I can give you a considered opinion.’
She sat upright and grimaced again. ‘It’s just so lame and pathetic.’
‘You’re quite hard on yourself,’ said Felipe, realising that she really was.
‘I deserve to be. I’m an idiot and stupid with it.’
‘Why don’t you let me be the judge of that? I know about these things.’
‘Really? I can’t imagine you’ve ever experienced unrequited love.’
‘No,’ he said glibly, ‘of course I haven’t.’ But he’d experienced what he’d thought at the time was the loss of his whole life. He deliberately quashed the pain of the memory of everything he’d worked towards being taken away in one moment. ‘Maybe not, but perhaps that allows me to have a different perspective.’
‘Hmph,’ said Rebecca, lapsing into silence.
He sat next to her, respecting her peace. She’d talk when she was ready.
Cicadas chirruped in the long grass nearby and in the distance the lone call of an owl echoed across the trees.
‘I decided to seize the day.Carpe diemand all that. We were going to a ball. Together but not together, the plus-one thing. This time I decided to go for it. I’d make a real effort. Try and get him to notice me.’ There was another long pause. ‘I’m lying. I gave myself an ultimatum. I was going to tell him how I felt.’
‘Brave.’
‘Or very stupid.’
‘Not stupid.’
‘It was long overdue and it’s not like me. Believe it or not, I’m usually not so sappy. I go out and get what I want. I’m competitive and quite driven.’
‘I hadn’t noticed,’ said Felipe, giving her a quick nudge, feeling a quick kick of satisfaction when she laughed.
‘So when I decided that I was going to tell him, of course I went into action mode. All out– new dress.’ She pulled a face. ‘Had my hair done. Wore make-up. Nails. The works. And do you know what?’ She stopped and waited for his answer.
‘No, tell me.’
‘I looked ridiculous. Like I was a teenager dressing up in my mum’s clothes. I didn’t look anything like me and I didn’t feel like me. The dress was a disaster, all frills, and Ilooked like a walking toilet-roll cover. You probably don’t know what I’m talking about, but trust me, it’s not a good look.’
‘You’ll have to tell me some time. Or are there pictures?’
Once again he was struck by her honesty, and liked it, but he was a little sad she had such a poor view of herself. Nothing could dim her vibrancy and energy.
