“What the hell happened to you?” Nellie asked, cupping my cheeks.
“Girl, I just want to forget everything that happened today.”
But I knew I would not be able to get Machine’s monster cock out of my head, no matter how hard I tried.
EIGHT
MACHINE
I watched as Badger slowly walked to meet her roommate at the women’s shelter door. Why did she give me this address of all places? Did she live here? She had said "roommate,” so that had to be the case.
It took every ounce of self-control in my body to not to insist on making sure Badger got inside okay. But the look her roommate gave me made it clear I was not welcome.
Lucy whined, getting me out of my spiraling thoughts. She was staring through the back window where we had just left Badger. I petted her between the ears.
“Easy girl. Slow and steady wins the race.”
I wasn’t sure if I was solely telling her this or if I needed the reminder. Something about Badger opened up a carnal need in me that I thought had been long forgotten. My mind kept replaying the thoughts of her naked, toned body and the way her breasts were the perfect size to cup in my palms. The way she looked at me when she saw my body lit me up inside.
I knew I was above average in the cock department, showcased by the piercings I had. But her reaction was by far the funniest I had seen. It was as if she didn’t know whether to touch it or fear it. Hopefully, the first option. I would love to have hertouch me. With her lips, her tongue, her pussy, anything I could get.
Lucy whined again when we passed Central Park, effectively cock-blocking my imagination. I gave her an unimpressed look, which she returned as if she could hear the filth that was filling my brain. As much as I didn’t want the judgment from my beloved pup, I could barely remember a time when she wasn’t with me. If I did think back, I would remember extreme pain, depression, and anger. My mind went back six years ago to when the not-so-little pup came into my life.
I sat on the edge of my bed with the curtains drawn, an empty bottle of amber liquor at my feet and a pistol in my hand. I had been sitting here for hours, willing myself to just end it all. I ran my hand through my overgrown hair and scratched my scraggly beard. This was rock-bottom. This was what ultimate failure felt like. I couldn’t sleep because all I did was dream of my team. I couldn’t stay awake because I was so exhausted. So I stayed in this middle haze, unable to function. Whiskey helped drown out some of the dreams and dulled my racing heart.
Tears filled my eyes as I brought the gun to my temple and held it there. This was the fifth time I had done this since I had been sitting here; however, it was the first time I felt like I could actually pull the trigger. Why did I have to survive and not die alongside them? This was some cruel, sick joke that God, or whatever power that be, was playing on me.
I was so focused on my dark thoughts that I didn’t hear the door to my penthouse open or hear the footsteps in the hall that led to my room.
“Che cazzo, Evan!” yelled Kade as he placed something on the ground and ran over to me. He grabbed the gun from my hand and unloaded the bullets with precise movements. “What were you thinking?!”
I met his gaze and instantly regretted it. His normally warm brown eyes were dark with fury and fear. This was the head of the Italian Mafia, and I had scared him.
“Cazzo!” He cursed once more before slapping me across the face.
I barely felt the sting of the blow, and sat there as tears filled my eyes. I would not let them fall. How could anyone, let alone my best friend, take me seriously if I cried?
Kade cupped my cheeks and looked at me with newfound determination. “No, compagno. No. Do you hear me?”
One traitorous tear fell down my cheek as I gave him a brief nod. He placed his forehead against mine.
“Good. Wait here.”
He let go of my face and stood up to his full height. To most, Kade was the scariest mother-fucker there was. To me, he was my brother. The other half of my tortured soul. He knew me better than anyone, and I knew seeing me like this was hurting him. But I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t live with this… this guilt. It was eating at me like a cancer, spreading through every fiber of my being. How could I be here when they weren’t?
My thoughts were interrupted when I saw Kade place something wrapped in a blanket on my lap. A small black-and-brown face looked up with me adoration. I glanced up at Kade, confused.
“What’s this?” I croaked out, my voice cracking.
“I found her earlier today. She’s yours now. She needs you.”
I gazed back down at the underweight Rottweiler puppy contemptuously. I had no business taking care of a dog when I couldn’t even take care of myself. There was no way I could keep this alive.
As if reading my inner monologue, Kade raised an eyebrow. “Her name is Lucy.”
My head jerked up. Lucy was my mother’s name. My throat grew thick, the corners of my eyes filled with moisture and my heart felt like it was melting inside my chest. I knew, down to the marrow of my bones, that this pup was sent to me for a reason. I looked down at the small creature and pet it between the ears. In response, the pup licked my hand before gnawing on it like a chew toy. I smiled, something that I hadn’t done in months. Kade’s eyes filled with unshed tears.
I hugged the dog to my chest. “Hi, Lucy.”
