My mind jerked back to the present when I heard Lucy whine, and a horn beeped behind us. I felt my darkness creeping in and knew she could sense it. As I drove, I sent a talk-to-text message to Lennie and Kade in our group chat asking to get together for lunch when Kade got back from the conference. I needed them. I needed to get out of the depression that I could feel creeping in on me. They both confirmed, making me feel a little more at ease.
Kade would return in a couple of days and we could go back to business as usual. I didn’t do well when I was left to my own devices too long, and with some of our shipments being messed with, the last thing I wanted was to be left alone to deal with the mess. I was the second-in-command for a reason, but that didn’t mean I liked doing the work of the Don when Kade was gone.
I made it home with my mind scattered. I had so many unanswered questions about Badger, too much going on withthe shipments, and my depression was coming in hot. I walked in the door and looked longingly at my liquor cabinet before deciding not to drink and instead go to my personal gym. It was time to work off some more of this pent-up energy.
NINE
BADGER
“You know you need to tell E, right?” Arrow said in between laughs.
He had been laughing for a solid ten minutes after I told him what had transpired between Machine and me in the locker room.
I groaned and let my head rest on the back of the sofa while I held an icepack to it. Two days had passed, and my head still hurt. I was definitely concussed, however I had promised Evelyn that I would cat sit Alfredo with Arrow while she was at the DEFCON conference.
When I arrived at the apartment earlier, I walked in on Arrow talking dirty to Evelyn before she had to quickly get off FaceTime. I obviously knew that the two of them were… well, actually, I didn’t know what to call it. They were together, but also not. I tried to stay out of their business. I thought of them both like family, and them together was not something that I wanted to envision.
Arrow put his hands in front of him as if he were about to pray and started to separate them. “Just tell me how big.”
I chucked a pillow at him while he pretended to act wounded from the blow.
“Big enough that there were SEVEN piercings!” I said it without thinking and quickly regretted it.
Aaron stared at me, blinking rapidly through his shock. “That’s like, porn star level shit, B!”
I grabbed the pillow I’d thrown at him and buried my face in it with a groan. I needed to get this image out of my head. Inked skin over chiseled abs, and a defined V that led straight to a massive cock.
Aaron stood up with Alfredo in his arms and started to sing. “Five-dollar, five-dollar, five-dollar, foot-schlong!”to the jingle of the Subway “five-dollar footlong” song.
He continued his dance as my thoughts wandered to the events that had unfolded at the gym. The way I couldn’t help but notice the water rivulets move over Machine’s skin as he tended to me. The way his cock hung between his legs, silver barbells glinting.
“Helloooo, earth to Badger,” Arrow said, waving a hand in my face.
I shook my head, which only added to the hot pressure in my skull. I was so over having a concussion, and the last thing I wanted to be doing was thinking about Machine.
I rolled my eyes. “What?”
“I’m going to pretend I didn’t just see you drooling while you went off into la-la land,” Arrow teased.
“I was not drooling!”
He cackled before giving me one of his signature side smiles. “Sure, we’ll go with that. Besides wanting the five-dollar foot-schlong, can I get you anything for your head?”
“No, I’m good,” I replied, even though it was a lie. I was far from good. I was distracted, and that was the last thing I needed to be.
I had been with men before. I’d seen plenty of men naked, but seeing Machine’s wet, chiseled body sparked a flame in methat I thought didn’t exist. At one point in life, I even thought that I had become asexual because of my inability to be aroused. The only reason I had sex with men was to get rid of the memories of what had happened to me and because, well, a girl had needs.
I didn’t need a man. I didn’t want a man. Men were the reason why my Lily was gone. Men were the reason why I was in the position that I was, my mental state, my fixation on ruining those who had wronged me. That was what fueled the flame inside me. It burned so hot some days that I became a ball of anger, unable to release my anguish.
Yet, ever since this behemoth of a man came into my life like a freaking wrecking ball, he’d sparked my interest, no matter how hard I tried to resist. I had no idea why; he was a brute. He was clearly a playboy with his stupid, cheesy pick-up lines that he had said when he first met me and used to getting what he wanted, and I would not be another notch in his belt. I certainly would not fall, or even come close to falling, for the second-in-command of the Mafia. My experience with men taught me one thing, that they always were out for their own agenda. Especially ones in power. I was sure Machine was no different.
He had no idea that I knew who he was. He didn’t know who I was. He was part of a cruel world, a world of pain, and part of the world that ultimately took my heart away. How could I feel anything for this man when all he touched turned into darkness? No, I would not allow myself to get to know, think about, or fantasize about a man who was untouchable. No freaking way.
TEN
MACHINE
Two agonizing weeks had passed since I had seen the beautiful badass that haunted my every waking moment. It had also been two weeks since she had decided to avoid me like the plague, which was pissing me off more by the second. I had so many questions for her. Like “Why do you live at a women’s shelter?” or “How’s that sexy head of yours?” but no, she didn’t want anything to do with me, so I couldn’t ask.
