The truth is, I don’t hate Bennett, and I never did. Did I envy him? Yes, maybe I even resented him a bit. But I never felt hate.
How could I? He’s never done anything wrong to hate him for. It’s not his fault that I have shitty parents and have to hide who I am. Or that he’s able to be out and proud, while I have to battle with who I am every day.
I’ve never thought about another man like I have with Bennett, and for a long time, I was unsure if I was even gay. Maybe I was bi, or demisexual, and just haven’t found the right girl. But if there ever was a girl to have deep feelings for, it would have been Taylor.
I’ve never seen her as anything other than a best friend. Nothing has ever been sexual. Well, besides the failed attempt at making Bennett think we were having sex.
With Bennett, though, it’s been both emotional and physical.
Sure, I’ve found other guys attractive, but none of them made me react the way Bennett does.
Taylor drops me off at the hockey house before heading back to her dorm. Her parents wanted her to spend the night, but I could tell she was low on mental energy for them. So, I told them we had plans.
Standing in front of the hockey house, I dread going back inside. What if Bennett is there?
I can’t keep avoiding the things that have happened between us, and the obvious pull we have toward one another.
Whenever I’m with Bennett, it’s explosive. I’m just not sure if that's a good or bad thing.
He makes me feel things I don’t want to feel, things that could ruin everything for me.
Those feelings, though, are the most true I’ve ever felt in my life.
He makes me feel alive, wanted, desired.
Not hate, not jealousy, not resentment toward me. Just pure, raw, electric need. The magnetism between us draws us together, despite our efforts to stay apart.
I crave him. His smell, his voice, his touch. Getting on my knees for him, taking his cock down my throat, and listening to him come apart for me was euphoric.
He’s like a drug, and I’m craving my next hit.
Knowing I can make him come unhinged is a power rush I am quickly becoming addicted to.
I can’t hide from him forever, so I trek upstairs. When I get into our room, I find it empty. I’m both relieved and disappointed at the same time.
When I sit on my bed to take off my sneakers, a rustling beneath me makes me pause. Leaning to the side, I pull a piece of paper out and frown as I open it.
I remember how much you love Mom’s turkey, so I made you a plate with some sides. Hope your Thanksgiving was good. -B
I stare at the note, my heart thundering in my chest. Why would he do that?Whendid he do that?
Licking my lips, my pulse wild, I get to my feet and head to his mini fridge. Inside I find a plate covered with aluminum foil.
Pulling it back, my heart fucking clenches and I let out a watery laugh. There on the plate is turkey, stuffing, potatoes, carrots, and gravy.
Ellie’s cooking has always been amazing. I’ve missed it.
Taylor’s mom’s meal was okay, but it lacked... well, flavor.
Taking the plate downstairs, I place it in the microwave to heat it up. When it’s done, I sit at the common room table and just smile down at it.
The urge to text Bennett to say thank you enters my mind, but instead, I dig in to one of the best meals I’ve had in a long time.
Odd things continue to happen throughout the next week. Not in a bad way, though. Just... unexpected? I don’t know how to feel about it.
We’ve been back at school for a few days now, and Bennett hasn’t slept in his bed at all.
It seems like he’s the one avoiding me this time, yet the things he’s doing say otherwise.
