“Yeah. And it worked. We agreed that if there was anyone we really wanted to be with, we’d let the other know.”
“Has there?”
“Has there what?”
“Been anyone you wanted to be with?”
I lick my lips, not sure how to answer that.
“Yeah. Just one.”
“Oh.” Bennett sounds disappointed.
“But he had a boyfriend. And hated me. He was off limits. Apart from that, there wasn’t anyone who caught my interest.”
I feel like my stomach is going to fall out of my damn ass. I pretty much told him I wanted him long after we were kids. I wait for him to tell me he doesn’t see me that way, to laugh, or get angry.
He doesn’t.
“I’ve been a mess the last few days,” he admits. “I thought we fucked up. That I fucked up.”
“How so?” I ask, heart racing so damn hard it hurts.
“Because I hate cheaters. And I thought we cheated.”
“Fuck,” I whisper, turning my body to face him. I feel like shit. I knew what had happened to him, how he felt about it. I saw how he reacted when he saw Tyler cheat on Aria. “I’m sorry.”
“I know,” he says, sighing heavily. “Even if you two aren't together, it doesn’t change the fact that at the time, I thought you were. I hated myself.”
Guilt and pain begin to swallow me whole. Why is the only thing I seem to be able to do is bring this man pain? I’m no good for him. He deserves better.
And I hate myself for it. For how much I want him. Crave him. Need him.
“Where do we go from here?” Bennett asks.
“I don’t know,” I admit, looking away.
“I can move in with my parents. If it would make you feel more comfortable.”
“No.” I shake my head. “You don’t have to do that.”
“Are you sure?”
I nod my head. “Yeah.”
More awkward silence.
I can’t be here anymore. I can’t sit this close to him, be this near. I’m seconds away from kissing him, telling him how I feel.
That can’t happen. I’m too messed up in the head to play with this right now.
And, I can’t handle the rejection I know would be coming.
“I’m going to go,” I tell him, getting to my feet.
“What?”
“Please don’t tell anyone,” I ask Bennett. “I know it’s a big ask, but I wouldn’t if it literally wasn’t life or death.”
