We broke for lunch and moved outside to the porch, where the ocean breeze tickled our faces, and the sun warmed our bones. The smell of the ocean mingled with the scent of Judy’s homemade tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches.
“So, did you ever forgive him?”
“Who, Jack? Of course I did. As much as I wanted to hate him and curse his name every waking moment of my life, I knew that wouldn’t bring me peace. Jack had made his choices, and I had to make mine. And I chose to forgive him, not because he deserved it, but because I did. I deserved to live a life free of bitterness and resentment.”
Diane swallowed a bite of her sandwich before asking, “But you never pursued him again, did you?”
A faint smile made its way on to my lips as I recalled the weeks and months after Jack returned. “No,” I said as the memories swirled around me. “But that didn’t stop him from pursuing me.”
Sims Chapel, TN
November 1961
“You look like you could use some company,” I said to Jack, finding him sitting at the end of the dock.
Jack didn't turn around, but his shoulders dropped slightly as if in defeat. “Actually, I was enjoying the solitude.”
I hesitated for a moment, then made my way toward him. “Do you want me to leave you alone?”
“No. I didn’t mean it like that.”
I settled down beside him, our shoulders brushing slightly. We sat quietly for a while as the waves lapped against the dock.
“My book is going to be published,” he told me. “My agent called this afternoon to give me the news.”
“That’s fantastic, Jack,” I said, my excitement tempered by his solemn expression. “So why the long face? Shouldn’t you be out celebrating?”
“Probably…”
“But?”
“The whole time I was writing, I kept holding onto this hope that someday Ellie would come to her senses and return to me. Reliving all those memories almost made it real again, like she was still here. But now that I’m finished, I’m forced to face the reality that she’s never coming back.”
I wanted to tell him that he wasn’t alone, that I’d stood where he currently did, teetering on the precipice of despair and loneliness. But I knew he had to find his own way through the darkness, just like I had.
“Speaking of news, I have some of my own,” I said as I leaned back on my palms and changed the subject. “I’m thinking of taking a job in Asheville. I spoke to a friend of mine from college who called recently, and she said they’re looking for a mathematics professor at Brevard College.”
Jack’s face was unreadable as he processed the information. “Asheville? But that’s so far away.”
“I know. But I feel like I need a change. A fresh start, you know?”
“Who will take care of your mother if you leave?”
“She’s going to move in with her sister in Rogersville. She’s been wanting to do that for a while anyway. Aunt Pete needs the company, and I think it will be good for them to be together.”
“Can I ask why?”
“Do you really need me to spell it out for you?”
His brow furrowed as though he were trying to decipher a complex riddle. “Is this because of me?”
“No,” I reassured him. “Not entirely. It’s also because ofher, and because of me. I’m tired of being the one who stays behind, waiting for life to happen. I want to go out there, make something of myself.”
Jack flinched, as if I’d slapped him. His expression turned serious, his gaze dropping to the wooden planks beneath our feet. “What if I said I don’t want you to go?”
I shrugged, giving him a sad smile. “That’s the thing, Jack. This isn’t about what you want. It’s about what I want now.”
As he stared out at the water, I could see his mind churning, wrestling with what I’d just said. He looked so small sitting there, his single silhouette against the backdrop of the lake and star-filled sky.
