His words kicked her in the stomach. While she caught her breath, Ellie remembered something Sara had told her years earlier, about how it would take someone special to pull Jack away from the water. Once, Ellie thought she might be that person, but clearly she was mistaken.
“And that’s it? You won’t even consider it?”
“What do you think I’ve been doing for the past two weeks? Ever since you told me there was a possibility you’d have to move, I haven’t eaten or slept. It’s all I can think about.”
Ellie stood, her insides on fire. “And how do you think I feel, Jack? I’ve been offered the job of a lifetime, a crowning achievement, and the man I love, the man that’s supposed to support me, is telling me he wants no part of my dream.” She paused, letting her words sink in. “If you had it your way, we’d stay here, right here, doing the same thing, day in and day out, wouldn’t we?”
“No. I’m not saying that at all.”
“Then what are you saying?”
“I’ve seen the world,” said Jack. “Parts I wanted to see, parts I didn’t. And do you know what I realized? That everything I’ve ever wanted is right here in my own backyard. I’ve built a life here, Ellie, and a business. Everyone and everything I care about is here. Look.” He tried to reason with her. “I want to spend the rest of my life with you. It’s all I’ve wanted since the day we met, but I won’t lose myself in the process. I left this place once, and it nearly tore me apart. If you love me the way you say you do, you won’t ask me to do it again.”
“But I’m not asking you to leave this place, not forever. I’m only asking you to give somewhere else a chance, to give us a chance.”
“Then what?” He took a step toward her. “What happens when the next great thing comes along? And the next?”
Ellie felt the muscles in her brow contract. “What do you mean?”
“Today it’s NASA. Tomorrow it will be something else. You’re always looking for the next great thing, another notch in your professional belt.” He paused and shook his head. “Maybe I was wrong about us. Maybe we’re not mockingbirds after all. Your dreams are way too big for me, Ellie. I suppose they always have been.” He dropped his eyes for a moment. “As I said, I won’t ask you to give up your dreams to stay with me. I love you too much for that. But if you decide to take the job, you’ll have to do it alone because I won’t be coming with you.” Jack went inside and Ellie followed him to the living room.
“So you’re just giving up, like you did before?”
Jack took another step, stopped, turned on his heel, and glared at her. “What did you say to me?”
“You heard me,” she fired back. “How come you always give up so easily? How come you never fight back?”
Her question left him speechless, and it took a few seconds before he responded. “Me? Your memory seems to have failed you. I’m not the one who gave up on us, Ellie, you are.”
“But you didn’t object. If you loved me as much as you say you did, why didn’t you put up a fight? Why aren’t you putting up a fight now?”
Jack leveled a look at her, making it clear she had crossed the line. “That’s a hell of a thing for you to say to me.” He stepped toward her, his eyes ablaze with anger. “For two straight years, I did everything in my power—cheat, steal, broke every rule—just so I could make it back to you. And I left a lot of dead men in my wake. So don’t you dare tell me I didn’t fight because I did. I fought like our lives depended on it. If you want to see someone who didn’t fight, take a long look in the mirror.”
“I fought,” she protested. “Maybe not with a knife or a gun, but I fought in my own way. But what was I supposed to do? You abandoned me, just as you’re doing now.”
“Abandoned you? I didn’t leave because I wanted to. I was drafted to war. Unlike Michael, I didn’t have the luxury of buying my way out of service. But you,” he speared her with another glare, “you had a choice, and when things got tough, you chose the path that benefitted you most. Same as now.”
She wilted under his gaze. “So when you said you’d forgiven me, that was a lie, wasn’t it?”
Jack shook his head as his temper subsided. “I have forgiven you, but that doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten.”
* * *
That night they slept in separate beds, Ellie at one end of the house and Jack at the other. Though only separated by a floor, Jack sensed a chasm had grown between them, and he wondered if there was anything he could do, short of agreeing to move, that would bridge the gap.
Racked with guilt, he woke early the next morning and went to Ellie’s room to apologize. “Ellie.” He knocked softly on the door. “Listen, I’m sorry about last night. It’s just that…” Overcome with a sudden sense of dread, he knocked again. When there was no answer, he entered, finding the room empty. A note on the bed bearing his name explained the situation.
Dearest Jack,
Forgive me for once again making my escape beneath the cover of darkness, but I need some time alone to think about the future. Being with you these two months has been the best time of my life, and while I wish we could stay in this dream forever, sadly, we cannot. I understand why you feel the way you do about leaving this place. I’m scared too. But with you by my side I feel as if there’s nothing I can’t do. I only hope you will reconsider, as losing you again is the worst thing I can imagine. I’ll give you a call in a couple of days to let you know what I’ve decided.
All my love,
Ellie
When he had finished reading the letter, Jack balled it up and threw it against the wall, then sat on the end of the bed and wept.
CHAPTERTHIRTY-TWO
