“Leave us,” Mrs. Kew said to the clerks, all of whom were smirking. As they departed, they turned the light back on, and Alice winced at the sudden brightness. When she could see again, Mrs. Kew had recovered her composure and was cutting slices in a large cream cake. “I will have you meet with Snodgrass after this to be fully outfitted,” the Chief Servant said. “But you won’t be needing a butler’s getup. Cake?”
“No, thank you,” Daniel said. “Why not? I hope you aren’t suggesting I pose as a footman.” Disapprobation shadowed his face.
“Cake?” Mrs. Kew offered Alice.
“No, thank you. If Mr. Bixby has associated with pirates, won’t there be a danger of him being recognized? Should he not be withdrawn from the case on that basis, and I do the mission solo?”
“That is unnecessary,” Daniel answered as Mrs. Kew busied herself plating two plump wedges of cream sponge. “O’Riley strove to avoid the Wisteria Society as much as possible; consequentially, I never met any of them. On the other hand, your work last year brought you in extensive contact with pirates, Miss Dearlove. I fear you’ll be in danger, and therefore the mission should be mine alone.”
“They will not remember me. I am a master of disguise.”
“You look exactly as you did last year in Clacton-on-Sea.”
She turned to him. Focusing on where his hair angled neatly at the edge of his face, she softened her expression, relaxing its mouth andhalf lowering its eyelashes to cast a softness over the eyes. She hunched a shoulder slightly and tipped her head toward it in a gesture of obsequiousness so repellent, one’s gaze naturally wanted to turn away from it, forgetting what one had seen. The brisk, competent woman who had been sitting a moment before on the sofa was replaced with a girl whose self-effacement rendered her practically faceless.
“Fascinating,” Daniel said.
Shrugging, Alice allowed her regular countenance to settle once more upon her. “God has given me one face, and I make myself several others.”
Daniel’s eyes narrowed. “You are paraphrasing Shakespeare,” he said in a tone that teetered between disapproval and respect.
“How clever of you to notice,” Alice retorted in a tone that did not so much teeter as ricochet between disdain and sarcasm.
“So we’re all set, then!” Mrs. Kew beamed as she held out the plates. “Now, are you sure you won’t have cake? I made it specially for this meeting.”
Alice eyed the frothy confection. For the first time, she noticed two tiny gold bells set atop the icing. “Do you mean for me to be a chambermaid?” she asked with horror.
“I am too old to be a footman,” Daniel argued.
“You are only twenty-seven, dear,” Mrs. Kew said. “But fear not. And Alice, you won’t be a chambermaid. You two will attend the party as a married couple.”
Alice and Daniel stared at her.
“See, you’re the perfect choice! Just keep looking like that and people will absolutely believe you’re married. Oh, don’t be so glum. After all, you’re about to join a pirate’s house party—most likely you’ll be dead within a week.” She grinned. “More tea, my dears?”
3
scientific magic—snodgrass—emergency stop— alice and daniel clean house—upside down and innuendo— alice is approached by ruffians— a brief lesson on why listening to instructions is important
All that glisters is not necessarily gold. Daniel regarded his new wedding ring with dislike, guessing that within a week the skin beneath would be green. Beside him in the slowly descending linen closet, Alice had already taken to fiddling unconsciously with hers. It looked too heavy for her delicate hand, and Daniel wondered if the etchings on the inside irritated her as much as they did him.
He would have preferred to have slipped the ring on her himself, for no other reason than that it would have been proper to do so, even if their marriage was a pretense. Certainly not so he could hold her hand, slide a band slowly along the fine-boned length of her finger, listen to her breathe as his thumb stroked her palm. After all, he had not been imagining her for the past year since their encounter in Clacton, nor hunting everywhere for the rosewater scent of her hair, nor remembering the gentle, tremulous way she had fluttered her eyelashes as she’d begged his pardon for threatening to shoot him. It just so happened helikedtaking cold baths.
The woman displayed no gentleness or tremulousness now. She was as stiff as—
Well, probably best not to finish that thought. Alice Dearlove was Agent A, his greatest rival. If Daniel failed to keep distant from her, he’d be risking emotions—disturbance—disorder—the complete and absolutely catastrophic upheaval of the world. It was vital therefore that he focus on work, and not on the graceful curve of her jaw above that pale, kissable throat.
“Atrocious,” she said, and Daniel’s heart leaped, wondering madly if he’d spoken his musings aloud. But Alice was staring at the shelves of linen that stood opposite them.
“Hm?” he said.
She flicked a finger toward the shelves. “Look at those fitted sheets, just rolled up however you may please.”
“Hm,” Daniel agreed.
“And where is that dreadful music coming from?” She frowned around the closet. Daniel attempted to reply, but at that moment their descent halted and the door swung open. Daniel indicated to Alice that she precede him, after which he followed her into the A.U.N.T. laboratory.
There before them lay a large room styled as a kitchen. People in white coats bustled about, attending to tasks at benches and cluttered tables. A wall of clocks displayed countdowns for different tea times in the major households of London. Several large sinks contained dishes, plants, and incomprehensible devices made of extruded metal; a handwritten sign above one begged people to wash their own detonation triggers after use.
