“Do not worry, Miss Dearlove,” Daniel said, leaning a little closer so only she could hear him. “I am but mad north-northwest.”
Her heart swooned at the line from Shakespeare. “That’s fine,” she replied in the same conversational tone. “I’m sure there is method in it.”
He grinned, dazzling her with sudden beauty, and her heart promptly fell back in a swoon. Alice tried to haul it up again. This simply would not do! Feeling attracted to one’s husband was entirely—
“Scandalous!” supplied an appalled voice. Alice turned, instinctively reaching for a gun that was no longer in her skirt—or that in fact was, albeit several miles away.
Miss Darlington approached. She was applying a walking cane to the ground with one hand while her other rested on the arm of a woman wearing a dress more ruffled than the feelings of a Romantic poet. Two steps behind them came their husbands, laden with suitcases. The ladies critiqued each house as they walked.
“What was Olivia thinking, painting her door that color?”
“Good heavens, look at those hideous curtains in Miss Dole’s windows!”
“Does she call those spikes? Why, they are not even bloodstained.”
“And here is Mrs. Blakeney from Amsterdam,” Miss Darlington said upon arriving at the A.U.N.T. cottage. She gestured as though Alice were a vaguely interesting specimen in a zoo. “Charming girl, rather odd sense of fashion. Mrs. Blakeney, have you met my dear friend Gertrude Rotunder?”
The insufferable woman with no shame?Alice wanted to reply, but worried this might be somewhat inappropriate. Besides, she had indeed met Mrs. Rotunder while on assignment in Clacton-on-Sea last year, and was now keen to make the most commonplace impression possible.
“How do you do?” she said, nodding.
“I know you!” Mrs. Rotunder snapped her fingers and pointed at Alice, who very carefully raised her eyebrows in mild inquiry. From the corner of her eye she saw Daniel shift his hand toward the pocket inside his coat where he kept his gun.
“I noticed you fall out of your cottage during our playful skirmish. Such fun! We should do it again soon.”
“Er, yes,” Alice said.
“You took some good shots. Luckily I didn’t bring my actual house with me, or else imagine the state of my carpets right now!”
(“Ourhouse,” Mr. Rotunder murmured, but no one paid him any attention.)
“Is this your husband?” Miss Darlington asked, perusing Danielwith a cool eye. “He appears to be free of disease, at least. How ecstatic he must have been to see you safe and sound.”
“Indeed,” Daniel said, reaching out awkwardly to pat Alice’s arm. She tried not to flinch at the light touch. “I’m glad she survived her fall.”
“Petticoat,” Alice told him, and he nodded.
“Petticoat?” Miss Darlington repeated confusedly.
“It is a term of endearment,” Alice said, thinking fast. “In Amsterdam a wife will commonly refer to her husband as ‘my petticoat.’ ”
“Oh?” the pirates inquired politely.
“He in turn calls me his jockstrap.”
Daniel choked on his breath. The pirates’ husbands glanced wide-eyed at each other. Even Dr. Snodgrass covered his face with his hands.
“I see,” Mrs. Darlington replied.
“How long have you been married?” Mrs. Rotunder asked.
“Three years,” Alice replied.
“Three months,” Daniel said at the same time.
They frowned with bemusement at each other.
“Are you sure?” Daniel said.
