Katherine gave Pamela a vapid smile. “Isn’t ‘needing air’ one of society’s euphemisms for wishing to get as far from a place as possible without saying, ‘I have no desire to be amongst those vipers any longer?’”
Pamela cast a glance over her shoulder just as they slipped out the door. It shut behind them, leaving them in the staging room, in which a few performers wandered about as they gathered their sheet music. Katherine cursed herself. She’d abandoned her portfolio beside her seat, and she’d need to return to the drawing room to retrieve it. But not this very moment.
With her friend following closely, she drifted into a quiet corner of the room.
“How are you?” asked Pamela with a weighty tone.
Katherine waved the question away. “I do not care about the performance tonight. I know how well I can play that piece, and I do not need to prove it to anyone else.”
Pamela’s brow arched. “Of course. Not all performances can go as we planned, though I suspect yours went exactly as you intended. However, I was speaking about Mr. Archer.”
“Pardon?” Katherine dropped her friend’s arm and stiffened, casting a glance about the room. As it was mostly empty, it was easy enough for anyone to overhear, though the three lingering performers were more focused on discussing their pieces and collecting their things.
Drawing closer, Pamela lowered her voice. “What has happened between you two?”
Katherine remained fixed in place, her eyes wide despite her best efforts to shutter her expression. And then they began to prickle without warning—traitorous things that they were—and she forced herself to blink the tears away. Not here. Not now.
A loud clatter had Katherine moving, turning away from the others in the room as they righted whatever it was that they had dropped. Pamela shifted with her, taking her friend by the arm, before taking refuge in the far corner of the room. They weren’t out of sight, but it was as close to privacy as they could manage at present.
“Oh, Katherine,” murmured Pamela. “Tell me what is the matter. And why haven’t you come and spoken to me about it?”
Pressing a hand to her forehead, Katherine tried to knead the agony away, though it burrowed deep into her skull. “You are so busy with the children. You do not have time to listen to your friend complain.”
“I always have time for you,” said Pamela, her brows pulling low.
As much as Katherine wished to believe that, the truth was that her friend’s life was very full at present, and the utmost priority was her family. As it should be. Katherine might steal away an afternoon every fortnight or so, but no more than that. However, the truth would only cause Pamela pain, and Katherine would never wish to place extra burdens on her friend.
So, she gave a different, yet still honest, answer.
“What would I do?” she whispered. “Arrive on your doorstep to tell you I’ve been a fool for thinking Mr. Archer might actually care for me? Admit that I allowed myself to actually hope and dream that for once a gentleman might see me as a romantic possibility? And even though he saw past the surface and came to know me as a person, he still finds the idea of courting me unthinkable. Laughable. A merely a much older sister in his eyes.”
Katherine’s throat tightened, and she drew in a sharp breath. When her voice was steady, she added, “It is terrible enough to know that I’ve harbored such foolish fantasies, but to admit it aloud—”
“You are not a fool,” snapped Pamela.
A pang shot through Katherine’s heart as she met her friend’s eyes and saw the tears shining there. “Yes, I am—”
“Sister, dear, there you are,” called Benjamin as he burst through the doorway.
Katherine jumped, and Pamela swiped at her own eyes. Only once all signs of their conversation were wiped from view did her friend take her arm, and the pair turned to see him striding up.
“I wanted to continue our conversation,” he said.
“Conversation?” asked Katherine with a frown.
“I was speaking to Mr. Tryck about taking a drive out tomorrow.”
Not now. Not this moment. The usual protections around Katherine’s heart were peeled back, exposing the bleeding flesh beneath. The concert would have been emotionally strenuous enough, but with the added strain of Mr. Archer, and Pamela’s skill at seeing through pretense, Katherine had no strength left to manage her emotions.
Her gaze narrowed. “As you are so keen on him, I am sure you and he will have a lovely time, though I cannot imagine anyone enjoying his company.”
With a laugh that was far too sharp to be believed, Benjamin shook his head. “I meant you would accompany us—”
“No,” she said, not bothering to regulate her tone or soften it in the slightest. It was firm and decisive. Unyielding as stone.
Yet Benjamin merely scoffed. “We’ll have a grand time. I can invite a young lady, and we will make an afternoon of it—”
“No.”
