But she stared at their entwined hands, blinking at the sight of them joined together in such a manner. Her heart thumped painfully against her ribs, beating against them like a trapped bird, and her eyes widened as he spoke of her importance to him and his household, though she hardly understood his words. Judith’s thoughts whirled about like a tempest, struggling to comprehend the sight of Martin Hardwicke crouching before her in supplication, speaking such lovely things.
Judith didn’t know what to think. She couldn’t think. She had locked away her feelings for Martin years ago. Had he knelt before her as a young man, Judith would’ve known her answer, but now, she could not sort out her heart well enough to know what to do when faced with Martin Hardwicke speaking his.
“…And your aunt did say you were looking for a new position, which seems far too serendipitous to allow the opportunity to slip by. Can you think of another place you’d rather be than Helmsford Place?”
Heart dropping to her toes, Judith hid her wince, though she lowered her gaze so he would not see the truth of her mistake. She was a ninny through and through. Yes, he was praising her, but it was for her abilities as a governess, nothing more, and his offer was that of a position, not a proposal.
Pressing a hand to her head, she asked, “But what of Mrs. Nobbs? She has only just settled in, and the children seem eager for her lessons. I believe it to be a good fit. And as honored as I am, I do not think—”
“Mrs. Nobbs?” Martin’s brows drew low. “What does she have to do with it? I am not speaking of a governess, Judith, but a wife.”
The world ground to a halt, the orb refusing to spin along its heavenly axis as Judith stared at Martin. But everything in his expression bespoke of honesty. Judith blinked again and again, her eyelashes fluttering with the speed and determination of an overly coy debutante, though her thoughts refused to seize upon the truth kneeling before her.
Martin truly had been proposing.
“I understand why you never wished to work for us,” he said. “Though Chloe wanted to see you situated under our roof, I couldn’t help but think it uncomfortable for you to be employed by your cousin and your friend. But perhaps now, she can get her wish.”
He paused, his throat bobbing as he tried to clear it. Martin dropped his head, and Judith held fast to his hands as his breathing shuddered. And that sorrow left her feeling all the more out of sorts and dumbfounded.
“You’re asking me to marry you?” she asked, hoping that perhaps the direct question—no matter how embarrassing—would clarify the situation.
Martin wiped at his eyes and cleared his throat. “Can you think of a better solution for us both?”
Judith frowned. “I think you are making a hasty and rash decision.”
“I have spent much time considering it, and I truly think it would be of great benefit to you, my children, and myself,” he said, rising to his feet. Tucking his hands behind him, Martin paced the clearing. “My children need a mother—especially my daughters. Milicent should be making her debut this coming year, and Valerie will follow soon after. They need a lady to guide them into the right matches.”
Her throat tightened again, and Judith stared at her clasped hands as they twisted in her lap. “And what of you?”
Martin paused and turned to face her. “I need a helpmate. Nine children, a household, and an estate are too much for one man to manage.”
“So you wish to marry me?” The question was little more than a whisper, but Judith couldn’t bring herself to speak the word any louder. It was hard enough asking the question that danced so close to that which she wanted to know but couldn’t bear to ask, for she knew the answer.
Head dipping low, Martin stared at the tips of his boots for a long moment before letting out a heavy sigh and straightening. “I do not wish to marry so soon after my dear Chloe was laid to rest, but a man in my situation needs to be practical, and I know she would understand. I need more assistance than can be given by a governess, nursemaid, and housekeeper. I need a wife, and you are by far the best candidate.”
With quick efficiency, Martin listed off her attributes like an employer sifting through a stack of applicants, and though they were plentiful, the longer he spoke, the hollower Judith’s heart felt.
“And we rub along well,” he added, pacing back and forth without seeming to notice how pale Judith had grown. “We are the best of friends with no romantic aspirations to muddle the situation. We could continue on as we have begun.”
Judith cleared her throat, though her words hardly emerged. “Then you do not wish to marry for love again?”
Martin stopped with his back to her, his head and shoulders drooping as he stared off into the distance. When he met her gaze once more, he shook his head. “There is no woman to compare with my Chloe, but with you, it wouldn’t be a concern. We have spent years together and never felt an inkling of attraction, so that is unlikely to change, nor would you expect it of me. Another might believe my heart would change.”
Pain lanced through her, skittering across her nerves from head to toe. Judith sucked in a breath, hoping to hold back the tears that gathered in her eyes as Martin looked at her with such certainty. Judith bit her lips, hoping to hold them firm, but her heart groaned beneath the weight of his dismissal; though born from ignorance and not cruelty, his words wounded her all the same.
Coming to crouch before her once more, Martin took her hand before Judith could stop it. “You are looking for a new place to call home. Could you not consider Helmsford Place? You’ve said how much you enjoy being here and caring for the children. You adore them as much as they do you.”
Judith continued to stare mutely as he spoke.
“There would be no more need for you to take employment. You’d have spending money, and I would ensure your future was secure. You would want for nothing,” he whispered, holding fast to her hand. “Can you say that being a governess to some stranger’s children is preferable?”
Closing her eyes, Judith pictured it exactly as he described it. She was grateful she was seated, for she was certain she couldn’t stand. Images of that future played through her mind, and she could hardly breathe at the thought of it. Safety and security. No more worries about money. A place of her own. These were the siren’s song, calling out to her with such allure that Judith longed to say yes.
How she wished she had someone to advise her, though the first person who appeared in her thoughts was unlikely to be of any help: Mr. Byrnes would prefer her to accept his own marriage of convenience. Aunt Lavinia’s voice echoed in Judith’s thoughts, warning her not to vacillate; it was not every day that a woman in her situation was offered such a fine future. Even Chloe would call her a fool for hesitating; a lady of her age and situation had few prospects, and Martin’s proposal was almost everything she’d ever hoped for.Almost.
She and Martin loved each other in a manner. Not as she wished to be loved, but Judith had no doubt he would be a good husband to her.
Lifting her hand to his lips, Martin placed a kiss on her knuckles and rose to his feet again. “You needn’t answer immediately, but I beg you to consider it. We are a good pair, are we not? We fit so well together.”
