Judith’s cheeks heated, and she fixed her gaze back on her work as she hemmed the edge of the tunic. “What makes you think that?”
But even her ears didn’t believe the feigned indifference in her tone.
Mr. Byrnes’s eyes dimmed, though his smile didn’t waver. “If you do not wish to speak of it, then say so. I will not pry.”
Dropping her sewing to her lap, Judith sighed and turned her gaze to the fire. The colors flickered between red, orange, and yellow, shifting about like dancers on a stage, moving to an unheard melody.
“I know full well what it is to seek after love.” Judith’s tone matched his, dropping into a whisper. “I was only five when I lost my parents. I don’t know how my aunt and uncle discovered my plight, but they swept into my life one day and took me away with no explanation. My heart was broken, and then I was tossed among strangers who took care of my physical needs but showed little interest beyond that.”
Mr. Byrnes said nothing, though she felt his gaze on her, listening with all his attention on her. When was the last time anyone paid her such attention?
“My aunt and uncle are good people, and they treated me fairly—far better than many would do in such circumstances.” Judith cleared her throat and gave him a faint smile. “One of their neighbors once lectured my aunt about meddling with God’s plan. After all, our lot in life is divinely appointed, and if He saw fit to place me in such humble circumstances and snatch away my parents, who was Aunt Lavinia to flout His will?”
“They would have you starve in the streets instead?” he asked with raised brows.
But Judith answered that with her own raise of her brows, though hers was more amused than incredulous. “Are you truly surprised someone espoused such beliefs? They are common enough.”
Mr. Byrnes nodded in concession and waited for her to continue.
“As I said, they treated me fairly enough, but I was not truly one of them. My cousin, Chloe, was my age, and we were raised together, but we were never equals. There was a barrier between us that neither she nor the rest of the family understood or recognized, but in all sorts of subtle ways, they made me feel my reduced state. I did what I could to secure my place among them, but I wasn’t a servant nor part of the family proper. They loved me in their way, but it was more like the affection one shows a useful companion.”
Her throat tightened, and Judith took up her sewing once more, turning her gaze to the stitches slowly taking shape.
“So, yes. Though Helen has never said anything directly to me concerning her feelings, I understand them well enough. Though her pain is of a different sort, there are many similarities, and I know full well how powerful longing for love can be.”
Silence followed that declaration, and Judith focused on the rapid movement of her needle, forcing herself to slow before her jerky movements required her to unpick her work. She longed for a cup of tea or something to wet her lips, for her mouth had grown quite dry. At least she could focus on that rather than the emptiness that followed that confession.
“If you wanted a place among that family, why did you leave them and strike off on your own, Miss Delmonte?” There was nothing of the teasing inflection as he spoke her name that time, and Judith glanced at him from under her lashes to find him studying her with an intensity she’d never seen before. At least not pointed at her.
“I tried to win them over by doing everything they bid me do,” said Judith. “I ran errands, fetched their things, and lived as Chloe’s companion for years, hoping I might prove my worth to them, but it changed nothing. I finally realized it never would, and I preferred being a governess who makes her own wages than a charity case who has no official standing in the household nor any manner in which to secure her future.”
“That was brave of you.” The corner of his lips ticked upwards, and Judith’s heart gave an erratic flutter, her face heating through.
Judith stared at her uneven work and retrieved her scissors. She freed the needle from the thread and picked through the poorly placed stitches to start again. All the while, she felt Mr. Byrnes’s regard, and Judith struggled beneath the weight of it. His opinion should not matter so very much, yet her heart burned as she replayed those little words he’d spoken and the pride in his tone.
Puffing out her cheeks, Judith placed a few new stitches before her shoulders drooped and her fingers stilled. “I thank you for your kind words, sir, but I must correct your assumption. The truth was that much of my ‘bravery’ was merely the byproduct of a silly young lady who didn’t know her place.”
“Indeed?” Mr. Byrnes’s voice was laden with humor.
Judith narrowed her eyes and nodded. “I wish I could lay claim to being an independent, courageous sort who’d set her own course, but in reality, I couldn’t stand to remain in Yorkshire while nursing a broken heart.”
Mr. Byrnes’s brows rose.
“I know,” she said with a shake of her head. “It is entirely all too embarrassing to admit, but I was entirely smitten with a young man from the neighborhood. Martin Hardwicke was a dear friend, and he was the first boy to ever touch my heart.”
With a huff, Judith stuck her needle into the fabric and set it aside as she brushed away the residual flush of embarrassment. “I’d thought we shared a special bond that would overcome all the worldly things standing between us. Besides, he had an inheritance of his own, so it was of no consequence that I had not two pennies to rub together. But he chose beautiful, well-dowered Chloe as his bride. She wanted me to join their household and continue on as I had—”
“To live under the roof of the man who spurned you?” asked Mr. Byrnes.
Judith gave a self-deprecating smile. “Chloe had no notion of my feelings. She simply wanted to keep her companion nearby. And in truth, I am grateful my foolish young heart was broken, for it was the catalyst that altered my path and pushed me towards the step I was too afraid to take. I needed to leave the safety of my aunt’s household, for as much as I wanted it to be, it wasn’t home. It never would be.”
Picking at the edge of the tunic, Judith’s gaze lowered as she thought through the years that unveiled this revelation. “My place in the world hasn’t altered much. I am still without a home and living somewhere between servant and family. But now, I have a clearly defined position. I know what is expected of me. And money brings freedom, and I am now earning my own.”
*
There are times—few and far between though they are—in which a kinship is struck so quickly and instantly as to bind two people together between one breath and the next. Though the feelings had been making themselves known here and there over the past fortnight, they struck Silas with significant force at that moment. The more Miss Delmonte opened her inner thoughts to him, the more this feeling of friendship grew for her, but her words at present were more than merely a commonality of sentiment. It was as though she’d plucked the very thoughts and emotions he’d felt over the years. Not merely sympathy but true empathy.
“No doubt you think me a fool, Mr. Byrnes, for having chosen that path—”
