For a long, silent moment, Judith considered the man before her, what she knew, and what she ought to say, sifting through all the variants and possible outcomes to settle on that which would be the most effective at conveying the message without irritating her employer. For all his assurances, Judith must tread carefully—
“Out with it, Miss Delmonte,” said Mr. Byrnes with an arched brow. “I can see the wheels turning in your head, and I know there is much you wish to say.”
Judith sucked in a deep breath. She had already crossed so many boundaries with this man. There was little point in holding back the whole of it.
“I understand you left the navy because you received an inheritance from a relative,” she said.
Mr. Byrnes’s brows scrunched together as though trying to comprehend the reason behind her statement, but he nodded. “My uncle and aunt had no children, so they named me their heir. However, I needed a profession in the meantime, so my father sent me into the navy.”
“But you received that inheritance some three years ago,” she added, hoping he might come to the proper conclusion without her having to explain the whole of it.
The fellow stared at her and merely nodded with a question in his gaze. “I took the money and invested it in an import business until it was time for Mr. Hatcher and myself to take command of the enterprise in person.”
Judith waved that away. “That is not important, Mr. Byrnes. It is the fact that you could’ve returned home three years ago and chose to remain at sea.”
Mr. Byrnes straightened and blinked at her. “I had responsibilities I had to see through. Besides, my wife was hardly eager to see me home for good. We saw no reason to alter our situation all at once.”
Good gracious, Judith did not want to have this conversation. She was privy to too many secrets she ought not to know. There was enough pain in this house without her adding to it, and she certainly did not care to be the bearer of bad news.
“I cannot speak to Mrs. Byrnes’s feelings on the matter, but Helen knows you chose to remain away, and that hurt her deeply. She didn’t see a husband and wife trying to find a way to cope with each other, but a father who didn’t want to see his children.”
Mr. Byrnes leaned forward, scrubbing at his face. “I sent her letters and packages and so very many things so she would know she was always in my thoughts—”
“Helen needs more than that.” Judith couldn’t believe her audacity to interrupt; apparently, now that she’d chosen to speak her mind, there was no curbing her tongue. “She is hurting from the loss of her mother and now forced to embrace a man who abandoned her. Your reasoning may have seemed logical to you, but from Helen’s perspective, you hated being at home and thus, hated her. No amount of letters or presents can heal such a wound.”
With each sentence, Mr. Byrnes’s shoulders fell, his expression sinking as he considered her words, and Judith’s heart broke for him, which was yet another new experience for her as a governess. The distance maintained between the mistress and her servant was too great for Judith to feel much of anything towards her employer, but it was impossible to maintain that emotional separation when the fellow seated before her looked so thoroughly dejected. Clearly, Mr. Byrnes loved his children and was not ashamed of it. Too many preferred warm civility among their family members and eschewed embracing such “low born” displays.
As much as Judith wished she could leave her statement as is, she knew Mr. Byrnes needed to understand the entirety of what he was facing. And seeing his anguish filled her with a responding eagerness to assist him in it. Whatever his past mistakes, Mr. Byrnes longed to make it right, and she could not turn away such an earnest desire.
“But that is not all,” she added.
Mr. Byrnes turned sad eyes to her. “There are yet more condemnations to be laid upon my shoulders?”
“Not precisely, but I do not believe Helen’s reticence derives from only one source,” she said. “She adored her mother, and Helen is very loyal. Although Mrs. Byrnes was circumspect in what she said concerning you, it was clear she did not care for you, and I suspect you felt the same. Such animosity would color Helen’s opinion of you—”
“And not reflect well on me,” he said with a resigned nod. “I have suspected as much. Helen would undoubtedly side with her mama.”
The pair sat in silence as Mr. Byrnes’s gaze turned to the fireplace, the light glinting off his eyes. With a furrowed brow, he studied the flickering movement of the flames, his expression growing bleak. Judith’s heart responded with an echo of that pain. With no more than a short conversation, the gentleman had gone from being a vague nuisance to a sympathetic and rather tragic hero. Certainly, he had made some grave mistakes, but a father wanting to gain the love of his children was as pure of an intention as you could find, and there were far too few who cared to do so.
“Then I suppose I’ve lost the battle before it began,” he mumbled.
Judith’s brows rose at that. “Helen is a young girl who barely understands her own heart, sir. There is no need to cry defeat so soon.”
Mr. Byrne’s eyes snapped to hers. “But how? I am willing to attempt patience, though I cannot claim to have a firm grasp on that virtue, but when she is so fully set to dislike me, how can I possibly make her see me in a new light?”
Holding his gaze, Judith did not bother to weigh her words, for her heart pulled the advice from her before she could think the better of it.
“First, you mustn’t forget that despite it all, you are her family, and some part of her wants to love you. She feels so very alone in the world, which is why she clings to her brother and sister so, and though she has learned to distrust you, I feel she is desperate for you to earn it back again.”
Judith forced her voice to remain even and refused to allow the prickles of pain in her heart to bring forth a blush. It was a near thing, but there was too much of her heart in those words not to be affected by it. Though it had been some thirty-five years since she had found herself floating adrift in the world, Judith remembered all too well how much she’d longed for her aunt, uncle, and cousins to fill the void. And how much it had hurt when they had not.
Mr. Byrnes nodded before prompting, “And second?”
Shaking her head, Judith forced a smile, shaking herself free from thoughts of the past. “And second, focus on Helen and the children. I understand you wanted to show them the port because it interests you, and while it might be of some interest to the children, you would be better served by doing what interests them.”
Scratching at his jaw, Mr. Byrnes gave a rueful grimace. “I suppose I was a little too eager to show them my world and paid little attention to theirs.”
“Or to how much Leah had been eating,” said Judith with a hint of a smile. Quick on its heels, a spark of panic had her cursing her wayward tongue. It was one thing to speak candidly about what the children needed, but to twit him about Leah’s dietary explosion was a step too far. This was precisely the reason why such divisions existed between servant and master. Once you began erasing the line, it was more and more difficult to maintain any sort of decorum around them.
