“Have you forgotten that I’ve been disowned from my family?”
“No, but that doesn’t change the fact that you have noble blood, and I do not.” She sighed, frowning. “And I’m a governess. I cannot be with you in the Lake District and attend all of your operas because my place is with the children at the estate.”
He shook his head. “That doesn’t mean—”
“Yes, it does.” Tears glistened in her eyes. “Once this is over, I will never see you again.”
His chest tightened, and he squeezed his eyes closed. “What do you want, Maxey? What are you trying to say?”
She brushed her lips across his cheek. When she pulled back, he looked into her sad eyes.
“Nash, if I can’t have all of you, I don’t want any part of you. It’s all or nothing.”
With a groan of frustration, he rolled to the side of her, raking his fingers through his hair. He stared at the ceiling, silently cursing that she had voiced her thoughts—those he didn’t want to know. He wasn’t ready to settle down. At least she was honest with him. When she told him she had never been with a man, she had said she wouldn’t be with anyonethatway unless it was with her husband.
Could Nash give her that kind of commitment? Not now he couldn’t, but what about after this mess with his uncle was over? Could he commit to her then?
With a sinking heart, he realized he wasn’t certain. He enjoyed his freedom as a bachelor. He was pleased with doing as he wished and living the life of a performer in an operatic group, knowing he didn’t have a care in the world.
Maxey lifted a hand and wiped away a tear rolling down her face. She stared at him as her lips quivered.
“You don’t have to answer,” she said. “Your expression tells me all I need to know.”
She pushed past him and climbed off the bed, before rushing out the door. He cursed fate for messing up his life again, especially the bad timing it dealt. But then, she had given him a lot to think about. Unfortunately, she already knew his feelings.
Strange, but she was correct after all. The only reason he wanted her was to bed her, but the deep ache inside her argued the point. He didn’t want to think about what the crushing pain meant. With so much danger in his life, the best thing for Maxey would be to go back to the Lake District, collect her friend, and return to the Wentworth estate. But could he release her when the time came?
*
For Raúl’s sake,Maxey pasted on a smile and forced herself to eat that evening. She tried to ignore Nash’s presence at the table, noting that he acted as if nothing earth-shattering had transpired between them earlier that day.
The way he relaxed in his chair, sipping his wine and conversing with Raúl, irked her. She tightened her fingers around her fork and seethed, fighting the growing urge to claw at Nash’s face and ruin his beautiful appearance. No use showing her temper now. It wouldn’t make him love her.
She held her breath, wondering why she couldn’t control her emotions. Why did she even care? After all, she didn’t love him.
Or did she?
Mindlessly, she placed a forkful of food in her mouth, annoyed that Raúl continued to pour on his sweetness, even when she neglected him to stare at the elaborate lobster dish on her plate. His charm had no effect on her tonight. Then again, it never had.
Bits and pieces of the conversation between the two men penetrated her senses, but for the most part, they spoke in Spanish. It impressed her that Nash was so fluent in the language, then she silently scolded herself for being captivated. Was it his deep voice that interested her or the exotic language? Either way, it shouldn’t matter. If she didn’t straighten up soon and get over this infatuation with him, he would surely crush her soul. She prayed it wasn’t too late.
Yet she feared it was.
During the men’s conversation, she analyzed her feelings. Although she’d doubted Nash this whole time, she had become close to him. She enjoyed the time they spent together and their talks, as improper as they were. It wasn’t just his kisses that had set her on fire—it was his charm and how he made her laugh. It was the way he called hermy sweet. He was a scoundrel, but his gentlemanly qualities were noticeable, too. He was raised well, and she admired that trait in him.
Swallowing a mouthful of food with a dry throat, she came to terms with her emotions. Despite all the time she spent trying to convince herself to avoid Nash’s advances, she had allowed herself to fall in love with him. Strange to think it happened so quickly. It was too late to turn back now. She had made a fool of herself and had no choice but to spend her remaining days on this voyage longing for a man she could never have, hoping for a man Nash could never be.
Raúl’s suggestion for a stroll on the upper deck interrupted her depressing thoughts. She blinked and met his eyes, accepting his offered arm. Nash trailed behind as they walked out of the cabin. Maxey wrapped her shawl around her shoulders, trying hard to avert her eyes from him.
Letting her thoughts wander, she looked across the dusk-shadowed sea. The ship she’d noticed earlier today was closer than before. It still worried her that the other vessel had come upon them so quickly, yet if Captain Bushwell wasn’t concerned, why should she be?
“Mr. Black, tell me what parts of Spain you have visited,” Raúl said.
“I have been all over, really. In my career in the military and my acting career, I have traveled the world.” Nash shrugged and chuckled. “I suppose it is the Gypsy blood in me from my mother’s side.”
“I have heard gossip from some of the other passengers,” Raúl continued, “that you are an opera singer.”
“I am.”
