Her father came and went, going in and out with the medications, riding the pain then floating above its absence, with brief stretches of clarity in between. When he was lucid, she took full advantage, soaking in all she could.
“I’m sure there’s a good reason,” he said when Dash mentioned her sister again. “If she cannot come, I want you to forgive her.”
“I don’t think I can.”
His eyes were sunken into his skull, surrounded by tired black circles, and the whiteness of his skin appeared ashen in contrast to his black moustache. When she touched his hand, his skin was cold, smooth, and as soft as an old man’s—not the skin of a forty-year-old.
“It’s the only thing I will ask of you, my beautiful girl. Open your heart to your sister. Welcome her back. She would not have stayed away if she’d had any choice. You know that in your heart. Please, Margaret. Forgive her.”
Dash couldn’t see that happening. Ever. Dot had abandoned her family, not just her father. She had abandonedher.
Instead of responding, she asked, “Is the light hurting your eyes? Should I close the curtains?”
“In a minute. I want to see you. You are looking so well. You must really enjoy your job. And what’s all this about England?”
She was glad to talk about CanCar for a while. He smiled when she described joking around with her coworkers or how it felt to build, then fly a Hurricane. She told him everything she knew about the ATA and how incredible it was, just knowing they wanted her there, but she didn’t mention the decision she’d made. He never would have allowed it. Dash had agonized over it for days, but in the end it had been simple. After her father was gone, Dash would give up her dream of flying with the ATA. Her mother needed her here.
Her father dozed, and Dash stopped talking. A hole had begun to form in her heart, thinking of her life. All the adventures, all the laughter and dreams she’d had, they seemed so shallow now. Fly? Why should she care about flying, when her father could no longer drink water on his own? Why was it important for her to reach the sky when he would never stand again?
“Proud of you, Margaret,” he whispered, his eyes still closed. “So very proud. Live your life to the fullest.”
She felt a collapse coming, building in her throat and burning behind her nose. She could no more prevent its arrival than stop a train with her bare hands. He heard her little sob and opened his eyes.
“Margaret.”
Her tears burst through, and she struggled to get words past them. “I don’t know how to handle this. I don’t know what to say or do or think anymore. I feel so lost. Please, Dad, there has to be something we can do to make you well again. This can’t be happening. Not to you. What will I do without you?”
In response, he drew her hand to his lips and kissed the back of it. His eyes shone. “I will always be with you, Margaret. You know I could never really leave any of you.”
The next day was Aunt Lou’s birthday. In the evening they celebrated it quietly in Dash’s father’s room so he could be included. Dash snuggled up close to him, listening to him sing a little when her mother entered, carrying the spice cake—that same spice cake she remembered from her childhood. After taking a tiny nibble, he’d drifted off to sleep. At least he had been there, still with them.
Uncle Bob seemed so much older than he’d been last December, when Dash had seen him last. Back then, he’d cheered her on despite her misery after Eisen’s, encouraging her to write to Miss MacGill. He’d changed Dash’s life by doing that, just like he’d changed it years before by letting her fly with him. But he’d lost his son, and now he was losing his brother. She worried about him. He’d gotten almost skinny since she’d been at CanCar. Poor Aunt Lou looked completely worn out.
After her aunt and uncle headed home, Dash sat at the kitchen table with her mother, the remnants of the cake and a solitary candle flickering between them. As she watched the halo of the flame, she thought about heaven again.
“I want you to go to England,” her mother said, breaking the silence. “After.”
Dash hadn’t expected that. “No, Mom. I’ll stay with you.”
“I want you to go.” Her voice was calm. “And I want lots of letters. I want to hear all about your life over there. I always wanted to go to England, you know. Not during a war, obviously, but…” She smiled. “I know what you’re thinking, Dash, but you’re wrong. I’m stronger than you think. This is the chance of a lifetime for you, and your father knows it as well. He and I have spoken about it.”
“You’ve spoken about… after?”
“Of course.” Her gaze went to the candle. “You can’t really avoid that discussion when you spend your whole life with someone. He’s made me promise that you’ll go, and I told him I had already planned to send you on your way.”
She’d thought she was all out of tears. She’d been wrong. “How can I?”
“There is nothing for you here, Dash. You aren’t made for living aquiet life at home. Your future is up there, in the clouds. Your heart is built for adventure. Quite frankly, I think you’d drive me crazy if you stayed.”
“Mom.”
“I mean it.”
Her father had basically said the same thing.Live your life to the fullest.
“I don’t know, Mom. I haven’t decided yet.”
She went to her room and curled into a ball on her bed, her head so crammed with feelings she could hardly think. Needing comfort, she grabbed Dot’s blanket and bundled herself in the soft material. Out of habit, she buried her nose in it, but her sister’s scent was long gone, and anger shot to the top of her emotions. Dash shouldn’t have had to go through this on her own. Dot was supposed to be her other half, not an empty space at their father’s bedside. And what about Gus? Where was he? He hadn’t even replied to her mother’s telegram.
