“What happens if we get caught?” she asked after they were on the road. She noticed he hadn’t turned on his headlights.
“We won’t.”
“How do you know?”
“Because I don’t want to think about what would happen.”
She sank back into her seat, watching the unfamiliar landscape transform into something she had known forever. She’d forgotten just how close Camp X was to Oshawa and how disappointed she had been, learning she wouldn’t be able to visit her family. Her mother’s telegram had brought it rushing back.
“I understand why they don’t want me to leave Camp X.” She gazed out the window, feeling a little sad. “But they know me by now. They know I’d never spill a drop of a secret. I’m as loyal as they come.”
Gus peered sideways at her, one hand on the wheel. “Yet here you are, on a covert midnight rendezvous.”
“Under extraordinary circumstances. I still wouldn’t tell any secrets,” she muttered.
“Did you know that if you did get to go out, you’d be followed by the Mounties? They’d write down everything you said, ate, and did, then give their notes to Camp X HQ. You’d be quizzed on everything.”
That didn’t sound so bad, if she could see her family once in a while.
Gus put his hand on hers. “This will be worth it, Dot. Even if the worst happens. Which it won’t.”
He turned his lights on when they got into town, because driving without might be suspicious. It didn’t make any difference. The streets were empty. They passed the elementary school, and Dot briefly wondered about her students. Were they still learning French? One or two might be in high school by now. Did they ever think about the lessons? Did they ever think about her?
When they reached their street, Gus exhaled. “Here we go.”
It hit her full force. She was going to see her father. She was going to say goodbye. Gus glanced at her as they passed the familiar houses, and she knew he was feeling the same as she was—anticipation that would soon be smothered by grief. It was her turn to squeeze his hand.
He parked the car a half a block away. “We can’t see your mother. You know that, right? Or Dash. We can’t see anyone but him. I’ll climb up and peek through the window, but if there’s anyone else in there, we have to turn around and go right back.”
Her heart sank. Surely someone would be sitting at his bedside. “I understand.”
She practically jogged along the road in her haste to get home. When the familiar white house came into view, her gaze slid to the maple tree at the side. It looked so much smaller than she remembered. They paused behind the neighbour’s fence, out of sight of anyone passing by, collecting their thoughts, and Gus looked up at the tree, too. Was he remembering Dash up there, teasing them both? Did he see the big yard where he andDash had played catch so often, their leather gloves making a softthwack!whenever they caught the ball?
Dot remembered it all. She had been there too, on the ground or on the stump, listening to them laugh, and though they spoke to her while they played, she had always felt a bit forgotten, being on the outside. It was no one’s fault but her own. She’d been self-conscious, fearing that if she tried, she’d drop the ball more than she caught it, embarrassed to admit—even to the two of them—that she didn’t know how to throw a ball.
Did he remember getting older and going out at night with Dash and some of the other kids, always trying—and usually failing—to convince Dot to come? Dot did. She remembered feeling so disappointed in herself every time she sent them off without her.
If she could go back in time, things would be different. Now that she knew so much more about herself and what she was capable of, she would have joined them, and she might have been surprised at how well she did. After all, she wasn’t bad with a pistol and a target these days. If she could go back, she would laugh more, try new things. It was so hard to think of all the time she’d wasted.
“You know what I remember most?” Gus asked quietly.
“Dash,” she said out of reflex.
He glanced at her with surprise. “Not Dash. You. Sitting on that tire swing your dad made. I was pushing you, and you kept making me solve math problems.”
That’s what came back to him? Not the fact that Dot had never really done anything fun? “They were easy problems,” she teased. “If you’d gotten one wrong, we would have switched places. Why didn’t you just make a mistake?”
“I liked pushing you on that swing. I could have done it all day.”
He held her eyes for a heartbeat, looking as though he had more to say, then he lifted his gaze up toward her parents’ window.
“I’ll go up the tree and see if he’s alone. I’ll come down and get you if he is. Otherwise, we’re leaving.”
She nodded, feeling divided. Someone should be with her father. Someone should be taking care of him, making sure he had everything he needed. He shouldn’t be alone. But with all her heart, she hoped he was.
thirty-sixDASH— Oshawa, Ontario —
Dash had mustered a show of strength for her family, but she could feel it giving way. She tended to her father, comforted her mother, and did whatever shopping, cooking, and cleaning needed doing, all while fearing she might completely fall apart.
