I didn’t like being called a kid, but I didn’t argue. I told my mother exactly what Ty had said. She didn’t like it either.
But what she really didn’t like, it turned out, was that Ty meant it.
When he said that he was going to give me time, he really and trulymeantit. He liked that I wanted to go to school. And while he maybe liked it less that I also wanted to go to college, he listened to me when I told him why. He let me give him an entire presentation about why I thought my being educated would be good for the pack. Why it would benefit the pack and promote our interests.
Sounds good.He’d been kicked back on this very hilltop after another full moon run that neither he nor I had participated in.I like that you have a brain, Maddox. Still, I can’t help thinking that the real reason you want to go away to school and play at being human for the next four years is that you’re running away from this.
I was eighteen then. All the young wolves I knew had been rolling around with each other in happy abandon for years now, but I was different. No one would touch what was Ty’s. And I didn’t like any of the human boys well enough to bother messing around with them, in accordance with very strict rules Ty had laid down when it came to that sort of mixing.
Control was everything. Penalties for exposure were dire. It seemed like too great a risk to take. Slip up and bite someone here in this small valley and there was no covering it up. Ty took that kind of thing very seriously.
I figured going off to college in a great big city meant I had a lot more leeway.
Staring at him that night, exposed on this hilltop in more ways than one, I could see that he knew exactly what I was thinking.
By that point, I knew better than to lie to him. It had nothing to do with his rank or mine. It had everything to do with the way he could read me.
Two things can be true at once,I said, after a moment. A long moment.
Fair enough,he replied. But he beckoned me closer and when I came, he pointed at the ground beside the rock he was sitting on, and I didn’t know—then—what it was about that simple gesture that made somethingclickinside of me.
What I did know was that kneeling there beside him made me feel ...alive. More like me than I ever had before. I could feel my breath catch, too.
You’re older now,Ty said.We can get a little more honest, you and me.He waited for me to nod.We both know what’s going to happen between the two of us, down the line. That’s never been up for debate.
I’ve never debated it,I replied.
His eyes gleamed.Glad to hear it. But I can tell that part of why you need to go all the way to New York fucking City and live in concrete is that you want to scratch a few itches. Is that right?
I didn’t want to lie to him. But I didn’t know how to tell him the truth.
He laughed, and then he took my chin in his hand and pulled my face to his.
I still remember, so distinctly, the way that touch seared through me, scrambling every last signal in my body and then setting it ablaze. Like he was flipping a switch.
You have my permission to do whatever the fuck you want,he told me, his gaze intent on mine.Go wild, baby. You have my blessing.
I wanted to tell him I hadn’t asked for his blessing, but that wasn’t entirely true. I might not haveaskedfor it, but I wanted it.
Do you do ... whatever the fuck you want, too?I asked him.
He didn’t look away. If anything, his gaze got more intense.Yes.
I thought about that. I didn’t know if I liked it, because I knew as well as he did that we were supposed to be each other’s. He waited while I weighed the strange sensations working their way through me, and the even odder emotions that I’d never dealt with before.
You want to ask me about that?His fingers on my chin were like steel. I had the strangest urges, none of which I understood, so I shoved them aside. I could feel him everywhere even though he wasn’t touching me anywhere but on my chin.You can. But word of warning, I’ll tell you.
I blew out a breath. I wasn’t sure that I’d ever felt so torn before. I wanted to know every single thing he wasn’t telling me, because I was older now and I had a much better idea of what he meant.
But I was also pretty certain that my imagination was bad enough.
I’m good,I said.
He didn’t look pleased or unpleased by that. All he did was nod, his mouth a straight line.
You do what you need to do, Maddox. I’ll do the same. That work for you?
Yes.What Ifeltwas significantly more complicated, butyeswas the easiest way to express it all.
