This wasn’t the time to shy away from hard things. I reconsidered.
The reason he’d been so important to me was that he’d always seen me. He’d seen past the mask. He’d seen what I never wanted to show. He wanted me, not in spite of what he saw but because of it.
“While I never wanted you to make your decision that way, and I still had so much to tell you…” He didn’t hesitate now to admit what he’d kept from me. I wanted to believe that was progress between us. “We still gave ourselves to each other in a way that I would wager the few Champions in existence never considered. I’m sure it’s something Themis doesn’t believe a possibility. Her Champions are chosen for their desire to rule. But I would bet it’s something Eris considered. She was never just focused on winning.”
She only seemed to care that Themis lost.That fact kept circling our situation. It felt increasingly important the closer we came to our goals, but until I knew what our final trial was, I couldn’t begin to imagine how it fit in.
“Her Champion will challenge what is known,” I whispered as I took another step toward Hart.
He nodded.
“So, the … connection between us. It was?—”
“I don’t know what itis.” He dipped his chin so that our eyes met and held again. It seemed very important to him that I acknowledge this thing between us—this connection—was in the present, not only the past. That was hard to argue with,given the way I jumped with a simple touch even over the cover of our clothing.
“It’s growing, whatever it is,” I said as I reached him and slowly lifted my hand to rest against his chest. A spark sizzled between us as if to prove the point. “Whatisit?”
He clasped my hand with his own. I no longer only touched his tunic, but his ungloved hand folded over my gloved one. He watched me carefully as he pulled the middle finger of the fabric, then the ring finger, then the pinky. Slowly, so slowly, he freed my hand. And my entire body ignited when our skin finally touched.
“I’d like to think it’s the spark that tells us we’re more powerful together than we are apart. That even before we were cursed to only take from each other, we were meant to know that a”—he stumbled over the next word—“partnership between us could change the course of the kingdom’s fate.”
I sucked in a breath and did what felt natural. I’d made it this far. I intertwined our fingers. “What about more than a partnership?”
His eyes closed briefly, the look that crossed his face mixed pleasure and pain, like a man stranded in the desert who’d just found a sip of water but knew it wouldn’t last. “I feel like I’ve waited years for you to ask that question. I think it’s part of what we need to talk about. The reason we came up here.”
His words were forced, as if he reminded himself of his goals.
I licked my lips, ready to respond.
“Not just you and me, Chaos. I mean…” He dropped my hand and gestured around us. “All of it. What do you want to happen to Kavios? The Feared said they will leave you alone for now, but they want to know our plans.”
My breath left me, and as much as everything in me wanted to reach for Hart, to forget about what came next, Iknew it would be a mistake. I didn’t want to think of anything that happened between Hart and me as a mistake. Danger courted us at every turn, and he’d proved to be my steadying presence. The hardened gemstone that never broke. My adamas in every sense of the word.
Hart gestured to the couch. “Let’s sit.”
We did so with as much space between us as we could manage. My senses were a mess when it came to him, but if anything between us was going to work, we needed to discuss what we wanted. Kavios would not be easily taken from Rodric, and history noted that the revolution was sometimes the easy part. How the kingdom was governed after the fact was as big a hurdle as any.
“I have no problem killing them all if I have to.” He rubbed his chin, and I wasn’t quite sure if he spoke in jest. Was he capable of killing hundreds of Blessed on his own? I guessed so if he had access to nightmare magic, but we’d already given up fear magic in our trials. “But it occurs to me, if we really want to unseat my father, we need an army. The Feared are the best option we have.”
“I told you I think we will have the Storm, too,” I said. After witnessing Alysa and Reid’s preparedness for their people in the face of a natural disaster, I was more than confident they would seize the opportunity to change the power dynamic in the kingdom. I just needed to give Alysa the details I’d been unable to before.
Hart nodded. “Both are good resources, but we have to keep in mind that the groups have done little more than pass youngleaf amongst themselves. They won’t want to trust each other.”
“And, what,” I asked, picking up on the heart of his concern, “you are the only one who can unite them?”
He let his smirk curl his lip. “I have been the go-betweenfor years. Alysa doesn’t like me, but she is reasonable. And the Feared aren’t my biggest fans at the moment, but they know they don’t stand a chance without me.”
He wasn’t saying anything I hadn’t considered myself. “You were made to lead them.” I paused. “You just don’t believe we can free you from Themis?”
His shrug couldn’t mask his hesitation, the bitter taste of his anxiety that flooded my mouth. “I’ve tried a lot of things, Chaos. I think we have to plan for the worst.” His smirk softened to a smile. “When we’re free of this curse, when Kavios is free of my father, what do you want to do?”
I sucked in a breath, knowing I’d need to verbalize everything I’d considered over the past weeks. “I … I’m not sure I’d be a good ruler, but I think I’d be better than Rodric. Ciril also had me considering the representation methods that the Farmers Guild used…”
The picture of my life beyond unseating Rodric was so uncertain, the colors and shapes hadn’t formed into a concrete landscape—into something I could imagine for myself. So much was still unknown.
Hart chuckled. “I knew you liked that.”
I let him take my hand, let the connection between us flare to life with the contact. “I’ve watched this city cage you, Chaos. I can’t bear to see you step into this role if it’s not truly what you want.”
