There’s that phrase againwhat he did to you. Couple it with Koby’s murderous, tormented look and how carefully he chooses his words, and I can easily guess what kind of nightmare he’s envisioning.
When Anton stood in the doorway of my father’s living room, when he slaughtered two men to keep me, his eyes shone with something disturbing. He promised I’d be safe with him, but I knew I’d be used. What would a forty-something-year-old want with a teenage girl if not sex?
“Anton gave me a choice when he arrived in my family home,” I say, unfiltered words pouring out of me. The last thing I want is for Koby to think I was kept as a sex doll. “Either me and my dad both died,” I continue, swallowing hard, “or Anton took me with him, and we’d live.”
“Live or die,” Koby scoffs. “That’s not a choice.”
“No, it wasn’t a choice,” I whisper. “But it felt like one. I picked life. I picked... everything that came after. Don’t ask how many times over the years I’ve wished I had the courage to choose death.”
I chance a look at him and immediately regret it. His eyes are black with fury, jaw hard, knuckles whitening around the glass in his hand. It should scare me, I think. He looks murderous, but instead of fear, hot lust infests my veins, burning through to darken my neck.
I can’t look away from this furious, beautiful man glaring at me like my considering death a better choice is a personal insult.
He inhales sharply, grinding his teeth. “I think we could both use another drink.”
“And a change of location,” I add, trying to chase away the sudden tension. “This stool isn’t comfortable.” I hop off and follow him into the living room, then sink into the corner of his huge couch with a satisfied groan.
Koby passes me a full glass of white wine and settles in the opposite corner, body angled my way. “You want a blanket?”
“No, thank you.” I take a sip, then one more, the atmosphere thickening. “When Anton said I’d have to come with him, I was certain he wanted me for sex.”
“Why did you agree?”
“Well, knowing he’d rape me was terrifying, but it was a small price to pay in the face of death. I’d do anything to keep my father alive. To keep myself alive...” I inhale deeply, surprised that this conversation isn’t as difficult as I expected.
I can’t put my finger on what it is about Koby, but he’s easy to talk to, even when he looks furious.
Maybe it’s because he’s furious on my behalf.
“I remember that first night at his place.” I swirl the wine, watching it slosh around the rim. “How the time stretched... I couldn’t stop shaking while Anton set me up in his guest bedroom. He gave me a delicate silk slip and told me to take a bath and relax.” I huff a bitter laugh. “Relax. As if it was so easy.”
I obeyed without so much as a hiccup, hoping good behavior would mitigate any cruelty. I was in shock, driven by survival instinct and fear while I scrubbed dried blood from my face until my skin was raw.
The whole time, I silently thanked fate I’d already lost my virginity a few weeks earlier. We were drunk. My first proper party, first beer, and first time having sex all in one night. It was awkward, uncomfortable, and meaningless, but at least it was my choice.
Knowing my first time wouldn’t be forced was oddly comforting. It kept me moving and breathing steadily as I lathered vanilla-smelling creamy body wash all over myself until I was squeaky clean.
“My mind chantedrape, rape, rape,” I whisper. “Why else would he want me?”
“You don’t have to continue if it’s too hard.” Koby shifts closer, every move slow, like he’s approaching a scared animal and expects it to bolt. I stay still, and he takes my hand, lacing our fingers. “I can’t imagine how scared you were... It fucking kills me, picturing you so young, alone, and—”
“There’s nothing to picture,” I cut in. “Nothing to relive.”
No harm came my way that night. I sat on the edge of the Queen-sized bed, looking every inch thepretty little thinghe called me on the road. I remember how fast my heart was going, but I couldn’t do anything. He was too big, too strong, toowildto risk fighting him. I couldn’t hide. I couldn’t escape. Not even if he’d left the windows unlocked. Anton lived in a secure, tenth-floor condo.
“I waited, wide awake, refusing to let him catch me off guard,” I continue. “Hours went by, night turned into day, and he never came.”
Two lines dent Koby’s forehead. “Why?”
“Because he didn’t want my body.” My gaze drops to our linked hands, his thumb brushing my knuckles. “He may never have raped me... but he did far worse.”
10
Koby
“Koby,” Carter denotes, his agitation slicing through my daydream. “Focus.”
“I am focused.”On Leilani...
