I might not be okay yet, but I know just the way to reclaim every bit of my old self.
If wanting Koby to pin me down and kiss me breathless is wrong, then let me be fucking wrong. If imagining his body over mine while I claw at him is twisted, then let me be twisted... because for the first time in years, my mind feels like it’s mine.
9
Leilani
The weather.
Koby’s choice of décor.
My friendship with Aalyiah.
A brief run-down of how he landed in Carter’s crew.
Those were our conversation topics over dinner. We had fun, but I could tell Koby was swallowing his more pressing questions.
I appreciate the restraint.
The look on his face grew more and more wary the longer he watched me practically inhale my share of food. He didn’t protest when I reached across and stole some of his.
“I forgot how good junk food is.” I drop the last chicken wing onto my plate, grease shining on my fingers. I drag my tongue across the tips, savoring the salt, the spices, and the freedom to eat something messy. Something Anton wouldneverserve me.
“Did he starve you?” Koby asks.
My brows lift, but I don’t answer right away, taken aback by his eyes flaring when my pinky dips between my lips.
“Do I look like I’ve been denied food?” I tease, but my throat tightens. I tip the wine glass back, swallowing fast to quench the heat rushing under my skin. “No, he didn’t starve me, but I wasn’t allowed junk food. I didn’t realize how much I missed it.”
His gaze lingers, tracing my tongue’s path along my index finger. “So...” He blinks, focusing on his empty plate. “Burgers tomorrow?”
“God, yes. A big, fat burger. Double the meat, triple the cheese, and enough sauce to drip down my hands and chin.”
The corner of his mouth quirks.
I think he’s already picturing me licking the sauce off my skin.
“Promise me something, hellcat.” He leans over the breakfast island, resting both elbows on the stone counter.
“Promise you what, Mr. Maddox?”
His lips twitch in and out of a smile. “Whenever you’re ready, whenever youtrustme, I want to know what Anton did to you.”
My spine straightens and I busy my hands with the wine glass, sipping to wash down the meal. Anxiety floods my system for the wrong reasons. I should dread talking about Anton, but I’m more anxious about Koby’s reaction.
“What Anton did to me...” I echo, my fingers tightening around the frail stem. “That’s not exactly dinner conversation.”
What will he think when he discovers how weak I was? How weak I still am when Anton’s face appears on the burner phone.
Shit... the FaceTime call will tell Koby plenty. It’ll show him exactly how Anton’s actions affected me. How it still affects me even though I haven’t been under the bizarre spell for weeks.
“Why do you want to know?”
“Jax said your rage outbursts are inconvenient, which tells me they happen a lot.” He pauses, the intensity behind his gaze sends a shiver down my spine.
“Too often,” I admit, toying with my fingers. “Jax is very good at triggering them.”
“Figures. I want to avoid waking your fight or flight response, so I need to know what he did to you.”
