One.
Two.
My concentration wavers when my mind replays the flashback. The force Alex used to shove me to my knees, the tone of his voice... his cock inches from my lips.
A tear slides across my face, pooling in my ear, the sensation refocusing my mind. I concentrate, breathing in, and try wiggling one fingertip before I breathe out, desperate for any sensation.
One, two, three, four.
One, two, three, four.
I don’t stop. Over and over, I count, slowly calming my heartrate.
One, two, three four.
My hand jerks and a tingling sensation floods my veins, rushing across every inch of my skin like fire in dry grass.
Another whimper fills the room, softer as relief annihilates fear. The weight on my chest lessens and within seconds I’m curled up, trembling on the bed.
My face is wet with relieved tears. The paralysis is gone... but the hollowness invoked by the flashback remains.
19
Hailey
The afternoon sun warms my cheeks as I lie under an oak tree, my bag tucked under my head, diary in hand. Students whizz past, enjoying their lunch hour before the second part of the day locks us back inside.
The soft murmur of conversations makes focusing on the memories scrawled over these pages nearly impossible. I didn’t write about the one where Alex makes me suck his dick. Not only because it made me feel ashamed, but also because when I woke up in the morning, I couldn’t decide if it was a genuine flashback or just a nightmare.
Even without that, since my chat with the dean last Monday, I’ve spent my days rereading every word I’ve written, searching for... I don’t really know what.
Something.
It’s either that or plotting a prison break. The campus is huge, but knowing I can’t leave feels as suffocating as these new memories of Alex.
I’m now more than certain we were a couple, though for the life of me, I don’t understand why. All I remember is his anger. His raised voice, annoyance, and how he looked at me as if I were in his way...
Instead of slapping his face, I clamored for his scraps of attention, and apparently let him use me for sexual favors. It’s fucking pathetic and drives me mad.
Even more so because in most flashbacks, Alex brings up that other girl. I don’t have her name yet, but when he talks about her, he’s a different man. The anger fades, replaced by a love and awe so pure it’s blinding.
And yet, the past version of me seems oblivious.
My fingers find my necklace, mechanically tracing the ridge of the heart pendant. I don’t know why, but it helps calm me. I still don’t know whether or not it was a gift.
“You looked like you could use one.” Nash’s deep voice snaps me out of my head.
Butterflies flutter in my tummy when my dream replays before my eyes. Why did Alex have to ruin that? I swear Nash was about to kiss me.
Now, he’s right beside me, holding out a cup of steaming coffee. I take it, a little dumbstruck because we haven’t shared a word for over a week, not since he left me outside my room after our stationery-shopping trip.
“Or two,” I sigh, gathering myself into a seated position, smiling down at the cup where a double shot of espresso sloshes from side to side. “I need an extra shot of caffeine before afternoon classes.”
“I noticed.” He sinks onto the grass, close enough for his heady cologne to invade my nose.
“You’re stalking me?” I chuckle, taking a sip.
He looks out of place on the ground, but somehow still commands the space. We’re outside. The campus sprawls everywhich way, the huge lake glistening in the sun, yet Nash is the centerpiece. He could hide among the largest crowd and, within seconds, I’d be drawn to the magnetic pull he emanates.
