There won’t be any dates. No future. This week is all I’m getting. Seven days of happiness abruptly pulled from under my feet.
My mind’s reeling, my stomach in knots, and I feel physically fucking sick, ready to double over and throw up. An echo of what she said the night we met comes back like the recoil from a gunshot.
“I don’t want to get married. I don’t want kids.”
She volunteered that information. She never lied...
How the fuck did I blank it out? How did I let myself fall for her so fast whileknowingthis significant piece of information?
“And does Colt know where you stand?” Henry asks warily. “He’s very... realistic in playing his role, Audrey. Are you sure he’s just pretending?”
Another sad, resigned chuckle bursts from her chest. “We barely know each other, Dad. I met him on the Friday before we came here. We’re basically strangers. There’s been no reason to talk about marriage and kids. I mean... it’s all just a big ruse.”
It takes me a disgraceful amount of time to hear, process, and accept what she’s just admitted. It’s as far from the truth as possible for me. Sure, we’ve not known each other long, but we’ve spent every waking hour of the past week together.
I know more about her than any other woman in my life, my sister included. I feel like I’ve known Addie for years, not days. She’s told me about her past, her family, her goals, and dreams. I know every detail, the answers to all the first-date questions.
And the things she hasn’t told me?
I know them as well.
I know her fears, how she writes with her right hand but favors her left when holding a glass. I know which smiles are genuine, when she’s confused, sad, and annoyed, even if she’s hiding it.
But while I’m well-versed in the ways of Addie, I purposely ignored the main thing standing in our way. Inmyway.
Now I think about it, I can’t believe my own fucking stupidity. The only reason I’m here is because she doesn’t want to get married. She doesn’t want to be a wife or start a family.
The three things I crave.
No matter how much I like her, how deep I already fell, how much I feel for her... she’snotit. No matter how much I want her to be, she’s not my forever.
My pulse rings in my ears, stomach dropping to my fucking knees. She’s not mine. Neverwas, but it feels like I lost her. Like I lost someone I’ve waited for too long. Like the light at the end of the tunnel just flickered out.
Her words bounce around my head as I back out.
It’s all just a big ruse.
We’re basically strangers.
Strangers.
Strangers.
Strangers.
Fuck. Who knew words could cut so deep?
In a trance, I get back to our suite and close the door, squeezing the back of my neck, the huge space like a luxurious prison cell... suffocating.
Addie’s perfume lingers in the air, her clothes hang in the open walk-in closet. Her things litter the space and it’s like I’m surrounded. She’s not here, but she’s everywhere.
Soon enough, she’ll come back to find out what’s taking me so long. She’ll smile, joke, change into pajamas, and sleep beside me all night. So close yet out of reach. She’ll nuzzle her button nose into the crook of my neck, breathing me in like she has every night since we snapped and went the distance.
Her hair will tickle my skin. The peach and sugar smell of her will taunt me just as much as her warm, soft body. She’ll sleep safely tucked against my side where I wish she could be every night, but she won’t be mine.
She never was mine.
I can’t do this. I can’t go out and sit through another meal, pretending to be her boyfriend while my insides threaten mutiny. She’ll figure out something’s wrong. She’ll ask questions I can’t deal with. Not while I’m coming apart at the seams, losing my fucking purpose.
