I want her. I want her like I’ve never wanted anything or anyone else before. But she’s a bird longing to spread her wings and fly. She’s destined for places I can’t follow, and I... I’m tethered to the earth, stomping on hard ground, searching for the future I always imagined.
I shove those thoughts aside and push Addie out of my head. It won’t last long. She’ll be back within minutes, but at least for now, I can focus on the smell of gasoline, the feel of leather under my hands, the roaring crowd and loud engines.
The starting line looms ahead, a strip of white paint barely visible in the dim lights.
It feels more like a precipice.
I draw a deep breath, willing the tight knot in my chest to ease, desperate to focus on the race, the speed, the thrill, but my palms are sweaty on the wheel.
I’ve tamed the storm of excitement brewing under my skin at countless starting lines, but tonight?
Things are different.
The usual calm gives way to torrential unease. My stomach churns so hard it’s fucking painful. It refuses to settle, however many deep breaths I take. My lungs barely expand thanks to the crushing sensation around my chest and the cold tendrils of fear coiling around my heart.
For the first time ever since I started racing, I’m afraid.
I’ve never known fear on the racetrack. Fear is for the weak. The unsure. The unprepared. Seems I’m weak and unprepared tonight because staring down the long stretch of tarmac before me, my heart’s trying to dance its way out.
In all my years of racing, it’s always been about the thrill, speed, and exhilaration of control on the edge of chaos, toeing the line of recklessness. I never had anything to lose, only the race to win.
Until Addie.
The taste of her lips, the warmth of her touch, and the sparkle in her eyes have become my vulnerability.
I know we don’t dream the same dream. She has a different take on the world, but it doesn’t mean shit because... fuck.
I’m in love with her.
And suddenly, the stakes are sky high. She’s not mine. Might never be, but the thought of taking unnecessary risks and losing the sliver of a chance I have with her is chilling.
The kid in the car beside mine revs the engine, taunting. Normally, I’d rev right back. Show him he can’t count on me tucking my tail between my legs... not tonight.
My mind’s made in a split second. Beeping the horn, I shift my gaze to the other driver. His window rolls down as he cocks a questioning eyebrow.
I toss him a roll of cash: ten grand. The price for backing away from a race. “I’m out.”
His face idles somewhere between shock and disbelief. I don’t wait for his reaction. I slam the pedal to the floor, burning rubber out of there.
The crowd becomes a blur, their cheers fading into the night as I highball down the road. A crazy laugh escapes my lips, a mix of relief, excitement, and fear. I’ve made my choice. It’s a long way back to Newport, but with each mile the knot in my chest loosens and the fear subsides.
Not every fairy tale ends with a big wedding and children’s laughter. Pining after the dream, I forgot the most important thing: happiness doesn’t always look like we’ve imagined.
Sometimes, less is more.
***
The neighborhood is shrouded in darkness. My headlights illuminate Addie’s empty driveway. No sign of her bright orange BMW. It disappeared from outside my house yesterday, so I know she’s back in Newport.
The garage by her house is closed, and despite there being no lights shining inside, I step out of the Challenger, a pit of dread forming in my gut. Cool air prickles my skin as I walk up to her front door. I already know she’s not here, but I knock anyway, my knuckles rapping out a beat against the hard oak.
Just in case she’s sleeping.
Just in case she’s in the garden.
Once, twice, three times... each knock echoes through the night, fading into nothing.
She’s not home.
