Balling my hands into tight fists, I grind my teeth. This conversation will run in pointless circles now. Back and forth, back and forth.
“You should get going,” I say, straightening in my seat. “I’ve got somewhere to be.”
Theo’s raised eyebrow hasyou’re an idiotwoven into it. “Don’t do it, Colt. Don’t go looking for a quick hook-up. It won’t fix anything and you’ll feel like shit tomorrow. If you wanna go somewhere, go talk to Audrey.”
“I’m not looking for a hook-up.”
“Then where are you going?” Nico pipes in, suspicion written all over his face. His commanding aura is back, like he knew all along something else was on my mind, something important, and he was just waiting for it to resurface.
It’s fucking scary how well he reads people.
A little over a week ago, my top priority was not letting my older brothers find out I’m racing again. They worry about me. We all worry about each other more than normal siblings, I guess. We’re so tight-knit it strikes everyone as bizarre because you rarely get this kind of connection with your family.
I remember their faces when they visited me at the hospital: the relief I was alive and all thefucksthey spewed while schooling me to not ever race again.
So yeah... keeping my racing on the down-low was a priority.
But now?
Now I don’t give a fuck what they think. They have their own lives. Something that makes them happy. Something that makes them calm. I don’t.
Racing is my way of unwinding. The only thing that keeps me the right side of sane on a typical day and tonight I need that more than ever. I’ve been waiting to put the pedal to the floor since I overheard Addie and Henry.
“Whereare you going, Colt?” Shawn emphasizes.
I snatch my car keys off the coffee table, rising to my feet. “None of your goddamn business,” I spit out, heading for the exit.
“You’re racing again?!” Theo jumps to his feet, running after me. He grabs my shoulder, forcefully spins me around, and slams me against the wall. My head bounces off the concrete. “Are you fucking kidding me? What the hell is wrong with you? You almost died last time!”
Nico’s quick to join, his chest heaving, mindless fury in his eyes. I’m pretty sure he’ll knock me the fuck out.
To be honest, I hope he will. A flurry of physical pain may alleviate the mental one tearing me apart.
“You’re not going,” he says, emphasizing every single word. He’s not shouting—that means he’s beyond furious. “Give me the keys.”
I shove him away, a little surprised when he actually stumbles back a step. It’s not that easy moving a fucking tank.
“Try and stop me,” I grind out.
There’s a commotion as the others scramble to their feet. I expect at least one of them to grab my arm and yank me back as I step toward the door, but they don’t. They’re all deathly silent until Nico speaks again.
“Do you have any idea what we all went through during your fourteen-hour heart surgery?”
That stops me in place. Not because he’s getting to me in a good way. Not because he’s playing on my emotions and I’m caving. No. Because he’s riling me up that much more.
“You have any idea what will happen to this family if you crash again and don’t make it this time?” he continues.
“What?” I boom, spinning around to face all six of them. “You’ll mourn? Cry? Yeah, I bet you will. But how long will that last? How long before you move on? A week? A month?” I scoff, trying and failing to control the emotions tearing me wide open. “You have families, Nico. People who always have time for you. People who depend on you and love you unconditionally. You don’t sit locked at home staring at the fucking wall for hours on end. You’re never alone. You’re never lonely.”
“Colt—” Logan steps forward, but I’ve had it up tohere.
“Don’t tell me I can always count on you. I know that. You’ll be here if anything happens, but that’s not the point, Logan. It doesn’t change the fact you’ve all moved on, and I’m stuck in the same fucking place.” I take a deep breath, doing my best to calm down.
It’s not their fault I’m alone but it absolutely guts me that I don’t have what they do.
“Racing isn’t the answer,” Nico says, though he sounds less hostile. “Risking your life won’t change anything.”
“I know. Nothing will ever change for me, but when I sit behind that wheel, it’s the only time I feel something other than disappointment.”
