Monroe College was empty as I sat in my car in disbelief. I had a million things to do right now, but I was still in shock that I couldn’t get myself to move, to do the things that needed to be done. Pulling my phone out of my pocket, I dialed Jude’s number immediately. He should have been out of work already, but the call rang and then went to voicemail. I immediately dialed Forest’s number without thinking. It didn’t hit me that he probably didn’t want to hear from me until his deep voice told me to leave a voicemail.
I froze not knowing what to do, but I fucking missed him. “Hi, uh, it’s me. I know you don’t care, but my first reaction was to share this with you. Monroe College offered me a coaching position and I accepted. I’m not leaving Sterling Ridge and if I’m being honest, I never wanted to. The moment Miles told me, I wasn’t as excited as I thought I would be. Then I immediately thought of what life would be like with you and Jude or if you’d even want me.”
I sighed, rubbing my face.
“I don’t want hockey anymore, I want you. You and Jude. Whatever that looks like, that's what I want. It’s what I still want. I know you think that Jude and I will be fine together since weloved each other first, but we didn’t make sense until you came into the picture. Jude and I don’t make sense without you. That’s like asking peanut butter and jelly to be great without bread. We don’t make sense without you. So, please can you call me back so we can chat in person? Jude and I want to talk or it can just be me. Don’t make me come to your house like you did with me. I lo?—”
A soft click was all the warning I got that the call had ended.
I glared at my phone, hating that it had done this to me, but a little grateful it cut me off before I could tell him I loved him over the phone. What the hell was I thinking? This man just told me I was nothing more than a stop.
People only ever wanted things from me, but they never wanted to hold on to me or love me in return.
I turned my car on as I fought the bad thoughts, the ones I struggled with when I wasn’t feeling well. My eyes stung with unshed tears. I needed Jude to call me back before my mind wandered even further into dark territory. Not trusting myself, I called Romeo, my old teammate. The phone rang once before he answered.
“Webber!” he yelled.
“Hey, Gomez,” I said, feeling a little better. “How are you doing? How are you, Val and Riggs doing?”
“We are great. How are you?”
“I’m ok,” I said, trying to keep my voice neutral.
“We really miss you. It’s hard not to compare Bennett to you,” he sighed. “But we are finally meshing.”
“Damn, I miss you guys too. Best line I played with,” I said, feeling emotional. “I got a call from Toronto.”
“No shit, man. Really?!” he yelled. “Wait, you don’t sound excited.”
“I am?—”
“But what?” He interrupted me.
“I think I might be done playing and I might have gotten an offer to coach for a D1 school,” I sighed.
“You looked pretty good teaching those kids,” he said. “You looked happy.”
“I can’t believe everyone knew I was helping these kids and I had no clue it was going around,” I said, shaking my head. “That’s how Toronto noticed me, they saw me skating and decided to take a chance on me.”
“I think you've made your decision, Webber, or at least it sounds like you have,” he said, and I knew he was right.
“Yeah, I think I just needed someone to see it too,” I said softly.
“Hey, what are you guys doing for New Years? We have a few days off and we want to get away from the city. Fancy hosting us?” he asked, as I heard commotion.
“We will probably head to the Boozy Bandit,” I said, remembering that was the plan we had had with Forest. “That's the local bar here.”
“Well, let me talk to Val and Hunter, but if it's ok, I would like to come see you,” he said.
My lip trembled. “Yeah, man. I'd like that.”
“Is everything else ok?” he asked.
“I don’t know man, but I’m hoping it will be,” I said, not wanting to get into the shit with Forest.
Gomez sighed. “I’m here if you need to talk. I didn't stop being your friend just because we aren’t on the same team. I know it's hard to keep up with each other while I’m on the road and I know I should have been a better friend while you were going through all of this. I know it hasn't been easy and I’m sorry we?—”
“No, I know once hockey starts, it's hard to think of anything else and you have Hunter and Val. You don’t have to apologize,”I said, getting more emotional. “I appreciate even the random texts you sent; it was nice to hear from you.”
