The question caught me off guard. "No, I just... wanted to make sure I could familiarize myself with the staff."
Janice smiled and continued with her orientation spiel, but my mind was elsewhere. This was ridiculous. I was a grown man, not some lovesick teenager. I had a job to do and skills to offer. That's why I was here. If I happened to run into Lily, well... I'd deal with that when it happened.
But as Janice led me through the motions of my first day, I couldn't shake the feeling that I was on a collision course with my past. And no amount of preparation could ready me for the impact.
After all, how do you prepare to face someone who once meant so much to you, someone who walked away believing the worst about you? How do you greet a person who knew you at your most vulnerable, who held your heart in her hands and dropped it?
"Mr. Bennett?" Janice's voice pulled me back to the present. "Are you okay?"
Apparently, I had remained motionless, staring into space for a few moments. "Fine," I forced a smile. "Just eager to get started."
She nodded, apparently satisfied with my answer. "Well, the tour is all done. Let's head up to meet your team."
As we walked to the elevator, I mentally steadied myself. Whether I saw Lily today, next week, or never, I was here now. I couldn't change the past, but I could control how I responded to it. Whatever happened between us all those years ago, we were adults now, professionals.
I just hoped that when the moment came, when I finally stood face to face with Lily Danault after all this time, I would be composed.
The elevator doors closed, and we began our ascent to the fifth floor. To my new beginning.
Or perhaps, to an old ending I never quite accepted.
The days passed, and I couldn't see Lily in any of them. I'd already been at the company for a week, and in that time, I hadn't caught even a glimpse of her.
It wasn't like I wasn't trying. I was actually working hard to "casually" find her, but nothing worked.
I had circled the company several times. I made sure to take my lunch breaks at various times. I'd arrived early and stayed in the building's lobby, talking to the receptionist, using the excuse of bringing her coffee and learning more about the company culture. But I hadn't been able to see Lily anywhere.
If it weren't for the fact that I'd seen her name and a little picture in the organizational chart, I'd think she didn’t even work here.
I didn't want to ask about her directly to avoid raising any suspicions, but I was losing my patience. Either Lily was on vacation, sick, or working harder than I was to evade me.
This last possibility intrigued me.
Did Lily know I was working here now, and that's why she was hiding from me? Was she really trying that hard not to talk to me?
That excited me to a degree I didn't want to admit, because it meant she was still thinking about me, that she had feelings beyond indifference.
For that reason, I decided to work on a plan. Next week, I would work hard to be noticeable in a way that nobody could ignore.
CHAPTER 4
Lily
One week.I'd successfully avoided him for an entire week.
I should have felt relieved, even triumphant, but as I sat at my desk Friday afternoon, finishing the last of my monthly reports, all I felt was exhaustion. Constant vigilance was draining. Every detail of my days, from the timing of my walks through the building to the planning of bathroom breaks, to the packed lunches I ate at my desk, was arranged to avoid running into him, which was making me feel too paranoid, and I was mentally over it.
Yes, it had worked. Seven days without a single Kyle sighting.But how long could I continue with this without burning myself out?
"Are you ever going to tell us how long this stealth operation will continue?" Claudette perched on the edge of my desk, arms crossed, one eyebrow raised in a way that told me she wasn't leaving without answers.
I saved the document I was working on before looking up at her. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"Please," Marlin chimed in, rolling her chair over to join us. "You've been sneaking around like some kind of corporateninja all week. You take the stairs when you've complained about them your entire life. You're eating sad little desk salads instead of joining us in the cafeteria. You practically dive into the supply closet whenever someone new walks into the accounting department."
I couldn't deny it. My behavior had been erratic, to say the least.
But I wasn't ready to face my past. I wasn't ready during these ten years of therapy and moments of emotional instability, and I won't be ready now, just because someone wants to force me to face it.
