And then there’s me. Someone who has tried both and still can’t seem to move on. I’ve forgiven myself, punished myself, distracted myself, even pretended it wasn’t important anymore.But no matter how much I try to reinvent who I am, my regrets always pull me back like an invisible tether around my ribs.
Until I fix what I broke, I can’t fully move forward.
That’s what this was—my attempt to fix it. To fix myself.
“This is probably the worst idea I’ve ever had in my life,” I muttered, staring at my reflection in the rearview mirror.
I was in my car in the company parking lot, hands still gripping the steering wheel even though I'd turned off the engine five minutes ago. The modern glass building loomed ahead, reflecting the morning sun like a beacon. Or warning.
What was I doing here? How was I going to act like this was just an interesting coincidence when I'd spent the last three nights rehearsing what I would say to her?
I hadn't returned to the United States specifically to talk to Lily. That would have been insane after ten years of silence. But when I saw the job listing in Waldo Security System that perfectly matched my skill set, I applied without hesitation. I had been checking that company for months to see if there was anything I could apply for. And my opportunity finally came.
Ten years ago, Lily completely disappeared from my life without letting me speak to her. We were both going through a difficult time, and I thought she needed space to think things over and process what had happened. What I didn't imagine was that she would go so far as to block me from everything and pretend I never existed for so long. Being in the same company would ensure we would eventually talk, and I would be ready to close that chapter in my life; maybe that way, I would finally have peace.
Sydney had been good to me professionally. I'd built a solid career there, made decent money, and had a few girlfriends, but something was always missing. The city felt hollow after a while. I missed home, missed my family, missed the familiar streets where I'd grown up. Moving back had beenabout reclaiming pieces of myself that I'd left behind when I moved away. To finally stop having regrets. At least, that's what I told myself.
But I'd be lying if I said Lily hadn't been on my mind. As much as I tried to convince myself it was just a high school crush, that we were too young for it to have been anything serious, the truth was more complicated. She was my first love, my first time, and the first person that broke my heart, and not a month went by that I didn't wonder:What would have happened if she hadn't blamed me for everything?
I checked my reflection in the rearview mirror, adjusting the collar of my shirt.
Ten years had made my appearance change a lot. The awkward teenager had given way to a man who now has more confidence and knows what to say. My hair was styled in a way that suggested I cared about my appearance without trying too hard. My face had lost its boyish softness.
Would she recognize me immediately? Would she even be the same person I remembered?
People change in a decade. I certainly had.
My phone buzzed with a text from the CEO:
Jacob Walker: I'm looking forward to your first day. Stop by my office once you're settled in.
No more stalling. I grabbed my laptop bag, took a deep breath, and stepped out of the car.
The lobby was bright and busy, filled with Monday morning energy that set my teeth on edge. I approached the security desk, where a guard checked my ID and directed me to the human resources department on the third floor. So far, so normal. Just a guy starting a new job.
But as I stepped into the elevator, my heart was pounding far too hard for this to be just about first-day jitters. Somewherein this building was Lily. The same Lily who'd once known every secret I had, whose laughter I could still hear sometimes in my dreams. The Lily who'd torn my heart out when she told me she never wanted to see me again.
I tried to focus on the task at hand. Get to HR. Fill out the paperwork. Meet the team. Learn the systems. Normal steps that had nothing to do with ghosts from my past.
The elevator doors opened on the third floor, and I stepped out into a hallway lined with glass-walled offices. A young woman with a clipboard approached me immediately. "Kyle Bennett?"
"That's me."
"Welcome to Waldo Security System. I'm Janice from the recruitment team. We're excited to have you on board." She gestured for me to follow her. "Let's get you settled."
As we walked, my eyes scanned every face we passed, every open office door. Would Lily be on this floor? What department did she even work in? I realized that I knew almost nothing about her adult life. Social media had given me glimpses, enough to know she still lived here and that she worked for this company, but nothing else.
The last time we met, she was convinced she was going to study medicine, but this tech company has everything except a doctor. I was curious to know what changed in her. What made her choose a new career?
"We'll start with some paperwork," Janice was saying, "then I'll take you to meet your team. Most of your work will be on the fifth floor, where the tech department is located."
I nodded, only half-listening.
Fifth floor. Did Lily work on the fifth floor?
"Is there a directory of employees?" I asked, trying to sound casual. "So I can get familiar with the organizational structure."
"Of course. You'll have access to the company intranet,which has a comprehensive staff directory with departments and contact information." She gave me a curious look. "Do you know someone who works here?"
