"I haven't been acting weird," I protested, but even I could hear how unconvincing it sounded. I knew I’ve been distant. With everything that had been going on in my life, I barely had time to chill, and these guys who'd been by my side since middle school had become background characters in my mission to fix the future, and apparently, they'd noticed.
I didn't want to lose my friendship with them, but I had priorities to focus on right now.
"You don't joke around; you don't laugh at our jokes, you look distracted all the time, and you are too serious now," Jared said.
"I think you guys are exaggerating."
Jared's expression grew serious. "Look, man, we're just saying we miss hanging out with you. You're our friend, and it feels like you're here, but not really here, you know? And whatever's going on, you know you can count on us, right?"
The sincerity in his voice caught me off guard. These guys had been my friends since middle school. But in my focus on changing the past, I'd forgotten that I was also affecting their present. And here I was, treating them like they didn't matter because I was too focused on changing a future they didn't even know existed.
"I know," I said quietly. "And I'm sorry I've been distant. It's just..." I paused, trying to figure out how to explain without explaining. "Things at home have been really rough lately."
"What kind of rough?" Mike asked.
I took a deep breath, deciding to give them the truth that would make sense. "I think my parents are getting a divorce."
My three friends stared at each other in silence, as if they knew what I had just said was quite serious. And I felt a little guilty for making them feel bad with my confession. "I don't want to worry you with my personal problems, which is why I didn't say anything. I wanted everything to feel normal at school, at least."
"Shit, Kyle," Tom said, his expression softening immediately. "I'm sorry. That's rough."
"Are you okay?" Jared asked, "When my parents divorced, I had to go to the psychologist for six months to deal with thenew life I was facing. If you feel you need help, you can ask for it. I know your parents won't say no."
"I'm dealing with it," I said, which was mostly true. "It's just been messy at home. They fight all the time, and I'm trying to be there for Aria because she's taking it really hard. So yeah, I've been distracted and probably not the best friend lately. But I'm dealing with so many things right now that I don't know how to balance everything without going crazy in the process."
"Hey, no," Mike said firmly. "You don't have to apologize for that. Family stuff is important. We get it. We just wish you had told us, so we would have been more attentive to you and not thought that you didn't want to spend time with us."
"You could have told us," Tom added. "We're here for you, you know? You don't have to go through this alone."
The genuine care in their voices made my throat tight. I'd spent so much time viewing this whole situation through the lens of missions and goals and things to fix that I'd forgotten the simple comfort of having friends who cared about you. "Thanks, guys, I appreciate it. And I promise I'll try to be more present."
Oliver arrived with his food and sat between Jared and me. "Well, good timing then, because I have the perfect solution to get you out of your head. My parents will be out of town this weekend, and I'm throwing the most epic pool party you've ever seen in your shorts lives. Pretty much everyone's invited. It's going to be legendary."
What Oliver didn't know is that this precise event is what is making me too worried. But I tried to play cool. "Really? I have to see if my agenda is free."
"Of course, you'll have to ask Jeremy if he's planning on keeping you away from us on Saturday, too. Right?" Oliver said, teasing me. "I don't think you should keep hanging out with that weirdo. He and his best friend Leo are the worst."
I felt awful about what he said, especially because Oliver doesn’t really know Jeremy. In another scenario, like when I was younger, I would have laughed or gone along with his response. We all had that inner need to please him in some way or another, and he knew no bounds when it came to making hurtful comments. But now, the way he spoke or acted just didn't seem right to me.
"Chill out, or I'll think you're jealous," I replied, making everyone at the table laugh. "I just want to confirm that I won't be needed at the hospital or have any university visits scheduled that day, that's all."
"You can't miss it," Oliver continued enthusiastically, ignoring my response. "It'll be just like old times."
I felt trapped. If I didn't go, I'd disappoint my friends and potentially make Oliver suspicious. But if I did go, I'd be walking straight into the disaster we were trying to prevent. They had just told me they missed me, and here I am thinking about pushing them away again.
What should I do? Should I try to avoid the party that ruined my life, or go anyway, knowing all the bad things that could happen just to please my friends?
Even though the answer looked obvious, I didn’t know the correct path.
"Yeah, definitely," I heard myself saying. "Sounds great."
Maybe I could go to the party after making sure Jeremy would be away from it entirely. I can find a way to exhaust Jeremy through social interactions, then go spend time with my friends. Then, I could monitor the situation from the inside while making sure he was safely elsewhere. It wasn't ideal, but it might be the only way to make everyone happy.
Oliver grinned, clapping me on the shoulder. "That's what I'm talking about! The whole crew is back together."
After class, I found Jeremy at his locker. I approached him, trying to sound casual. "Hey, want to hang out on Saturday? We could catch a movie at my house or something."
"Can't," he said without looking up from his books. "I already have plans."
