And on Monday morning, I would walk into that office with my head held high, my emotions safely locked away, and a strategy to ensure that he remained exactly what he should be: part of my past, not my present.
I just hoped it would be enough.
CHAPTER 2
Lily
The weekend wasn'tany better than Friday.
I spent the entire time trying to do some Internet stalking on Kyle, but every time his face appeared on my screen, I was too nervous to continue.
I had him blocked from every possible place. Every time I created a new social media account, I made sure that no one from my past could see or contact me, and he was part of the group of people I wanted to keep away from me.
This didn't stop me from using my fake account to access the Instagram profile I'd memorized from Marlin's phone.
I didn't know what exactly I wanted to find out, but I didn't expect him to look this good. He looked different, more adult, more mature, more interesting.
He now wears glasses, apparently due to working at a computer for so long. What a shame! Those blue eyes should’ve been shown to the world, not hidden behind lenses. He looked taller than I remembered, his skin now tanned from the Australian beaches. He wore his hair short now, but his caramel-brown bangs still stuck out unruly at the sides.He'd learned to surf, so I could admire his bare, toned torso in some of the photos while he was on the beach.
His profile didn't tell me much about his personal life. It was mostly photos of landscapes from Sydney, photos of him surfing, some architectural shots of buildings I didn't recognize, and a few group pictures with people I'd never seen before. No significant other that I could detect. No children. Just him, looking effortlessly handsome in casual clothes, with a smile that seemed more confident than I remembered.
"You're staring at your phone again," Claudette said, pulling me back to reality.
It was Saturday, and we were at our favorite brunch spot downtown. I’d picked a table outside, despite the slight chill in the air. Sitting indoors felt too confining today.
"I'm not staring," I lied, quickly locking my screen and placing my phone face down on the table. "I was checking work emails."
Marlin snorted. "On a Saturday? Even for you, that's extreme." She took a sip of her mimosa, eyeing me over the rim of her glass. "You were looking him up, weren't you?"
I didn't bother denying it. These two could read me better than I liked to admit.
"I just wanted to see what he's been up to," I said defensively. "It's been ten years. I was curious."
"And?" Claudette leaned forward, her curls bouncing with the movement. "What did you find out?"
"Nothing useful," I admitted. "Just that he's been in Sydney, he likes photography, and he doesn't post much about his personal life."
"Does he know you work at Waldos?" Claudette asked the question I'd been obsessing over since Friday.
"I don't know," I answered honestly. "But I can't imagine he'd take a job specifically to see me after all this time. That would be..." I couldn't find the rightword.
"Stalkerish? Romantic? Depending on what happened between you two, it could be either," Marlin pointed out.
I shook my head. "Neither. It would be pointless." I picked up my avocado toast, hoping food would distract me from this conversation. "It's been too long. Whatever we were to each other, it's obsolete now."
"You know, you've never actually told us what happened," Claudette said gently. "If you want to talk about it..."
"I don't," I said quickly, too quickly for my taste. "It's not important anymore." Or so I wanted to believe. But even saying that, my brain doubted my words.
My friends exchanged a look but didn't push. That was one of the things I loved about them. They knew when to back off.
"Well, then," Marlin raised her glass, "to new beginnings. And to show this blast from the past that you're doing just fine without him."
I managed a smile and clinked my glass against them, but the pit in my stomach wouldn't go away. Because the truth was, I wasn't fine. I hadn't been fine since the moment I saw his face on that screen. And I wasn't sure I would be fine once I saw him in person.
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"You're distracted today," Dad commented as we walked Bailey, his golden retriever, through the park on Sunday afternoon.
