"Talk to her. Today. An actual conversation, not just those weird, intense eye-contact moments you two keep having. If you do that, I'll tell you who my forbidden crush is, and youcan help me find the courage to talk to that person. Or maybe help me with figuring out if he has feelings for me, too."
It wasn't exactly what I'd hoped for, but it was progress. If I could get him to open up about his feelings for Leo, I could find a way to help him navigate them more safely this time around.
"And what do you gain from me solving my situation with Lily?"
"Realizing that even seemingly impossible problems can be solved."
"Well, sounds like a plan then," I said, extending my hand.
Jeremy shook it firmly, then grinned. "And who knows? Maybe if things work out between you and Lily, I'll find the courage to pursue my own happiness too."
I smiled. The plan was working. Jeremy was starting to trust me, to see me as a confidant. But I couldn't shake the feeling that I was using him for my personal benefit.
Was I any better than Oliver, who'd used a secret for his own gain? Was I any better than the person who had framed Leo, playing with people's lives like pieces on a chessboard?
But then I thought about what was at stake. If I didn't gain Jeremy's trust, if I couldn't navigate this situation carefully, Leo would end up in prison again. The video would be released, the bullying would start, and everything would spiral toward that same terrible ending.
Sometimes you had to make difficult choices for the greater good. Sometimes you had to use morally gray methods to achieve a moral outcome.
At least, that's what I told myself to feel better.
Besides, not everything I'd told Jeremy was a lie. I did care about Lily. More than I probably should, given our complicated history. And part of me really was afraid of messing things up with her again.
Before I could respond, Oliver arrived and pushed Jeremy to the ground.
"Hey man, what's going on?" I said, annoyed by his action. I passed my hand to Jeremy, who took it to stand up and compose himself.
"I thought this weirdo was bothering you. Let's go to class before he keeps filling your mind with strange ideas."
I was surprised by the way Oliver referred to Jeremy. I knew my friend used to bully several boys at school, especially those younger than him, but I hadn't seen his actions so directly. "I don't like you talking like that. Jeremy isn't a weirdo."
Jeremy intervened before I could say anything else, "Calm down, Kyle. I was leaving anyway. See you later."
I watched him disappear down the hall as Oliver grabbed my shoulder. "Be careful with him. I don't trust his personality, and I don't want anything weird to happen to you if you hang out with him."
I didn't answer. People like Oliver were better to have as friends than as enemies, but I felt bad accepting his bullying indirectly.
Had he always been like this?
CHAPTER 18
Lily
Today I was exhaustedand overwhelmed. Even though I'd gotten a little closer to Leo, he still didn't trust me with personal stuff. Sure, we played plenty of video games, but that alone wasn't bringing us any closer.
And then there was Oliver, who just seeing him in the hallways made me nauseous. Being away from Kyle during this time helped me stay out of his circle, which in turn helped me avoid interacting with him. However, that didn't change the fact that this guy was still around, causing damage to people.
I've been watching him bullying younger boys, being rude to women, and watching me when he thinks I'm not paying attention, and it makes my hair stand on end. I wonder how long it will take him during this time to try to get closer to me.
In my first life, I'd been naive enough to think Oliver was just misunderstood, that he acted out because he needed support and understanding. I'd even felt sorry for him sometimes, making excuses for his cruelty by telling myself he was dealing with his own problems. But now, with adult eyes, I could see him for what he really was, cruel, sadistic, andcalculating. This time, I wouldn't make the same mistake of thinking he deserved my sympathy or my patience.
All these thoughts made me need a moment alone to catch my breath. The hospital was usually my safe place; tending to other people's illnesses helped me focus on something beyond my own spiraling thoughts. But today my mind wouldn't cooperate, wouldn't let me lose myself in the work. So I locked myself in the nurses' break room to eat a snack and try to center myself.
A few moments later, Kyle came in.
I'd almost forgotten he worked there, too. We'd both made a silent agreement to try to live our own lives, and we'd practically been ignoring each other.
I know I should feel relieved that things were this way, that we were maintaining our distance. But part of me wanted to be near him again, even if it was to keep fighting and demanding things that hadn't even happened yet. He was the only person who could really understand me in this mess, the only one who knew what it was like to carry decades of memories in a teenage body. And right now, feeling stressed and overwhelmed, I realized how much I missed having someone who just understood without needing explanations.
