As the hot water cascaded over me, I thought about Lily and her determination to change things. What she had in mind was dangerous. Reckless. We wouldn't know the consequences of making such drastic changes. Things happen for a reason, and we should not be stuck thinking about our what-ifs.
Every decision, even the painful parts, shapes us in ways we can’t always see. The man I'd become because of what happened ten years ago carried guilt and regret around like weights in my chest. But those feelings had also taught me things. Made me more careful with people's trust. Made me understand that words have consequences. Real ones.
The pain of losing people had shown me what it meant toreally love someone. The weight of my testimony had taught me that being scared isn't an excuse for being wrong.
If we change everything now, would the person I left behind still learn those lessons when they return to my present? Or would I be that same eighteen-year-old kid forever, never understanding the real cost of my choices?
There's a reason we can't go back and fix our mistakes in real life. We're supposed to learn from them, not erase them. Every small decision we make creates something bigger, even when we can't see it. Pull one thread and the whole thing unravels. Our scars aren't just reminders of where we've been; they're proof that we survived, that we're stronger than we were before.
I need to find a way to make Lily understand that, or to return to our real present before the consequences of her decisions change anything that could have a bigger impact than the one we already had.
That night, my friends came over to check on me. They brought pizza and video games, and we spent the night like never before, without worries, without thinking about money or what we should do tomorrow, just living.
I felt liberated and happy to have them back in my life like before.
We played for hours, yelling and trash-talking each other the way we used to. Tom brought beer that he'd stolen from his older brother's stash, and we each had one, feeling rebellious and grown-up.
Here I was, mentally 28 but physically 18, pretending to be a teenager while actually being more adult than any of them. And to be honest, it felt good. Right. Like I belongedhere. Maybe moving so far away was a big mistake. My life was here. All my friends. My family.
"So, what's the deal with you and Lily?" Mike asked during a break between games. "You guys seem pretty serious."
I felt my face flush, another quirk of this younger body that I'd forgotten. By this time, Lily and I had been dating for a little over a year, and everyone felt like we were going to get married—until what happened ruined our relationship.
I still didn't know how Lily and I were going to handle faking our relationship until we could go back to the future, considering that what she probably wants most in life is to be as far away from me as possible right now. Still, for now, all I can do is follow the script I remember from this moment.
"I don't know, we're just letting things flow," I said vaguely, hoping these boys wouldn't want to dwell on romantic shit.
"Bullshit," Tom said, grinning. "You're madly in love with that girl. All you do is try to be near her all the time. I don't know what she did to you, but you don't seem to be interested in anyone else since she accepted you."
"And even more so now that they're in the hospital together. They'll become more inseparable than ever, if that were even possible," Jaren added.
I started remembering those times in my actual past. Lily and I became closer after we started helping out at the hospital. But I always knew she was the one. Well, at least at that time. Now it seems like no matter what I do, she despises me more and more. And hearing my friends talk about how things were before everything went to hell made the hole in my chest from her absence shudder.
"She's cool," I said as dryly as possible. The last thing I wanted was for my friends to keep mentioning her when all I wanted was to clear my mind. "We'll see."
"And hot," Mike added, reaching for another slice of pizza.
I thought about Lily as she was now, as she'd been yesterday in the hospital garden. Still, my Lily is so many ways, so fierce, determined, and beautiful. But also different. Hardened by the years we'd both lived through, by the pain we'd caused each other.
Could we find our way back to what we'd once had? Or would the weight of everything create a permanent wall too big to cross?
"Trust me," I said to Mike, "I know she is."
Thankfully, nobody talked about her again. The night wore on, and we spent it playing, laughing, and talking trash about things that had recently happened at school, and somehow this helped me adjust to the new, strange environment I was in. I needed everything to seem normal.
I didn't want to change the past for fear of everything that could happen in the future because of me, but what if we could never go back? I hadn't gained any new insight into our current situation.
After the guys left, I sat alone in my room, staring at the computer screen where I'd spent the day researching time travel theories before my friends came. Nothing I found offered any real explanation for what had happened to us, let alone a way to reverse it.
Maybe I was taking it all too lightly. I had enough rest; it was time to return to work.
Tomorrow, I will see Lily at school. We need to talk. Not the pre-made speech we had in the kitchen. And definitely not the strange talk we had in the hospital. Really talk.
We need to analyze what we are going to do, how far we are willing to go, and what we would do if we were stuck here permanently.
As I finally drifted off to sleep, one thought kept circling in my mind: What if this wasn't a mistake? What if we were sent back for a reason?
And what if that reason was to save the people we'd lost the first time around?
