I didn't have many friends by choice. The people who were in my life could be counted on one hand. Relationships were messy, unpredictable variables in an otherwise orderly life. I preferred one-night stands or brief entanglements with people I knew wouldn't stick around. The moment I sensed someone developing real feelings, I'd vanish like morning fog. It was easier that way, cleaner, with fewer loose ends to tie up. And it would probably be like that until I could get out of this city for good and never turn back.
But because those girls were the only people who truly understood me and had stuck with me through my worst moments of control freakiness, I decided to pay attention to the gossip, just this once. I tucked my budget documents aside and leaned forward, pretending to care about our newest colleague.
"Fine," I leaned my seat back to get a better look at them. "Describe Mr. July."
Marlin's eyes lit up like she wasn't expecting my sudden interest. "I have something better for you. Why don't we stalk his social media?" She pulled out her phone, swiping quickly to reveal a profile that she'd clearly already visited multiple times.
"You already found him? How?" I raised an eyebrow,genuinely impressed by her efficiency in things that didn't involve her work. Sometimes, I seemed to be the only person interested in making things work at this company.
She flashed me a grin that was equal parts mischievous and proud. "Never underestimate a girl on a mission to meet a hot man."
The phone slid across the table toward me, and my eyes fell on a profile picture of a man I knew so well, or at least I used to. For a brief moment, something flickered in my chest. I could feel my lungs stop taking in air, and my hands started sweating instantly.
I was seeing his face. His beautiful and perfect face. A face I haven't seen in person in over a decade, but one I'd recognize even among thousands of people.
"Motherfucker," I said, too loud for my taste. Claudette and Marlin looked at each other and then at me, unable to believe I had lost my composure.
"Do you know him?" Marlin asked, eager to know what was happening in my mind.
After a long pause in which I tried to catch my breath, I finally answered. "He is my ex."
The words hung in the air like a bomb that had just been dropped. My perfectly controlled world suddenly felt like it was spinning off its axis.
Kyle Bennett. Here. In my office. In my safe space.
"Wait, what?" Claudette's eyes widened to the size of dinner plates. "The systems engineer hottie is your ex?"
No one I knew as an adult knew about my past. I'd buried it so well that sometimes it seemed nonexistent. But there it was, reminding me that no matter how hard I tried, what had happened couldn't be erased.
I nodded, unable to speak as memories flooded back. Memories I had filed away in the darkest corners of my mind, categorized under "Never Open Again."
"I thought he moved to Sydney," I finally managed, my voice sounding distant even to my own ears.
Marlin snatched her phone back, scrolling through his profile. "Apparently not anymore. His profile says he just moved back to town last month." She looked up at me, her excitement now mixed with concern. "How long ago did you two...?"
"Ten years," I answered mechanically. "I haven't seen him since I was eighteen. I was with him in school."
Claudette reached across the table and squeezed my hand. "Are you okay? You look like you've seen a ghost."
In a way, I had. Kyle was a remnant of a life I'd carefully excised, a life where I'd let someone see beyond my walls, where I'd foolishly believed that love could fit into my meticulously planned existence.
"I'm fine," I lied, pulling my hand away and straightening my posture. Control. I needed to regain control. "It was a long time ago. Ancient history."
"Ancient history is about to be your new coworker," Marlin pointed out unhelpfully.
My mind raced, calculating the probability of our paths crossing in a company of over two hundred employees. The accounting department rarely interacted with the systems engineering team. They were even on a different floor than ours. I could avoid him. I would avoid him.
"It doesn't matter," I said, more to myself than to them. "This changes nothing about my routine or my plans."
Both of my friends exchanged a look I knew too well. The "Lily's going into lockdown mode" look. I knew they wouldn't believe I was fine. Especially given the way I reacted when I saw my ex's photo on her phone. We spent enough time together for them to know every little change in me. But I had to find a way to make it clear to the world that his returndidn't affect me.
"Of course it doesn't," Claudette said soothingly. "But maybe we should do an emergency girls' night tonight instead of waiting for Saturday? You know, to process?"
"There's nothing to process," I insisted, turning my gaze to the laptop. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to get back to my budget reports."
The silence that followed was broken only by the sound of my typing, deliberately loud and fast, to signal that the conversation was over. But inside, a storm was brewing. The careful structure of my days, the peace I'd built around myself, all of it felt threatened by his mere presence in the building.
Kyle Bennett. The one variable I'd never been able to control. And now he was back.
