I hadn't plannedto kiss her.
I wanted to make myself visible in her life again, create opportunities for casual conversations, and eventually rebuild our friendship. I wanted to earn back her trust gradually, brick by brick, until she was ready to hear the truth about what had happened ten years ago.
But standing there in the empty kitchen, listening to what sounded like a carefully rehearsed speech about boundaries and self-preservation, watching her deliver lines that sounded like she'd practiced them in front of a mirror for months, something snapped inside me.
She was so serene, so controlled, so impeccably composed in her arrogance. She had all the right words in her head to push me out of her life, to show me how little I still mattered to her. But I could see through it. The way her hands trembled slightly when she thought I wasn't looking, the way her breath caught when I stepped closer, the way her eyes kept darting to my lips even as she spoke about moving forward.
It was all an act. A beautiful, well-constructed performancedesigned to convince us both that she was over me, over us, over everything we'd once been.
And I wanted to shatter it.
Not out of love. This wasn't about love. This was about proving a point. About showing her that all her pretty words about growth and boundaries were just that: words. That underneath all that careful composure, she was still the same girl who used to melt when I touched her. That I still had power over her, no matter how much she denied it.
It was selfish. It was cruel. But watching her stand there, so sure of herself, so convinced she'd moved beyond me, I wanted to prove her wrong.
So I kissed her.
I expected her to pull away immediately, to slap me, to react with anger that would confirm she was stronger than her feelings.
What I didn't expect was for her to kiss me back with equal intensity, for her hands to suddenly go to my shoulders, and for her to pull me closer. It was as if she'd been waiting for this moment for years, too, the dam of her restraint breaking all at once.
And that kiss threw me off balance, too. It made me sweat. Made me want more. What I had hoped would be a demonstration of who had the power played against me, because now I would kneel before this woman if she asked me to.
Our breathing became rapid, making the kitchen feel smaller and smaller. I backed her against the wall, and she slid her hands up around my neck, her fingers stroking the short hair at my nape in that way that had always driven me crazy. And apparently still did.
"We shouldn't be doing this," Lily whispered against my lips, without breaking the kiss.
"Then ask me to stop," I replied, hoping with everything Ihad that she wouldn't because I knew I wouldn't be able to stop on my own.
She didn't say anything else, so I moved my hands to her thighs, feeling the warmth of her skin through the thin fabric of her skirt. Suddenly, I wasn't kissing her to prove a point anymore. I was kissing her because I couldn't stop. Because ten years of missing her had crashed into me all at once, making me desperate, hungry, and completely out of control.
This wasn't supposed to happen. I was supposed to be in charge of this moment, supposed to be teaching her a lesson about her own vulnerability. Instead, I was the one coming undone.
But then, as suddenly as it began, she pushed me away.
"Are you fucking out of your mind?" she said breathlessly.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..." I started, but didn't finish because the floor beneath us began to tremble.
The low rumble grew to a violent shake, making us lose our balance. There were never earthquakes in this city; it was practically impossible, yet it was happening. This was a clear sign that something was very wrong. We both froze, staring at each other as everything around us moved and fell apart.
It was as if the universe itself was conspiring to stop whatever was happening between us.
"We should leave," she said, with her voice cold again. Part of me was disappointed that she was back to her original mood, but I knew I wasn't going to accomplish anything right now, so I decided to follow her.
But when she moved toward the door, the lights went out.
"Oh, come on,” I said, frustrated.
"This can't really be happening to me," Lily said, her tone scared now. "Ronald will fire me if I don't send him the report today."
I tried to stay calm. How I handled this moment woulddecide whether Lily’s anger towards me eased, especially after I had ruined our first encounter.
"Come with me," I said, softening my voice. "Let's go to the electrical room so I can see what's going on."
I wasn't an electrician, but how difficult could it be to check the switches or see why the backup power hadn't kicked in? This was my chance to show her I could be useful.
I turned on my phone's flashlight and held out my hand to Lily. To my relief, she didn't object, though she didn't take my hand either. She simply followed me as I led the way to the stairwell.
