"Well, there are plenty of fish in this sea." Tom gestured toward the crowded bar. "And several of them have been checking you out since we sat down."
"Leave him alone," Jared chimed in, the voice of reason as always. "He's only been back a week. Let the man breathe."
I shot Jared a grateful look. We'd been in the same friend group in high school, but he'd been the only one who'd really understood what happened between Lily and me after everything went down. The only one I'd kept in sporadic contact with over the years.
"Speaking of breathing," I said, standing up, "I need some air. It's hot as hell in here."
"Weak!" Tom called after me as I made my way toward the less crowded section near the dance floor. "Sydney made you soft!"
I raised my hand in acknowledgment without turning around, navigating through the crowd with my half-empty beer. The truth was, I didn't need air. I needed a moment to myself. Being back with the old crew was great, but it also stirred up memories I'd been trying to keep at bay.
Memories of other nights like this one. The four of us, me, Tom, Mike, Jared, and days with...
I stopped short at the edge of the dance floor, my beer nearly slipping from my grasp.
Lily.
She was here, dancing alone in the middle of the floor, eyesclosed, moving to the rhythm of a song that seemed to speak only to her. Her blonde hair now reached almost to her waist; the last time I saw her, it barely went past her ears. I wondered how much had changed since our last encounter. How much I'd missed.
For a moment, I couldn't breathe. I'd spent an entire week deliberately trying to find her, strategically placing myself in parts of the office where I might casually run into her. And now, when I'd finally taken a night off from my mission, here she was.
It was as if the universe had a particularly ironic sense of humor. Or perhaps a deeper wisdom than I could comprehend. Sometimes we find what we're looking for only when we stop looking so desperately.
For a moment, I thought I was imagining her. She looked like an angel. Beautiful. Free in a way I'd rarely seen her, lost in the music and oblivious to her surroundings. This wasn't the careful, timid girl I used to know. This was a woman comfortable in her own skin, uninhibited in a way that made it impossible to look away.
I stood paralyzed in that space of the dance floor, watching her. I knew it was selfish to watch her from afar. But I couldn't help myself. I'd waited so long to see her again, and now that she was in front of me, I wanted to memorize every detail.
Lily, who had grown her hair long to her waist. Lily, who, despite her age, was always a determined girl. Lily, who had once been the love of my life.
The years had changed her, but in ways that only enhanced what was already there. Like a photograph left in sunlight, certain features had intensified while others had faded. Her movements were more confident, her presence more commanding, even in this unguarded moment. I wondered what other changes time had wrought in her that weren't visible.
As if sensing my gaze, she opened her eyes mid-spin and stopped abruptly. Our eyes locked across the dance floor, and for a heartbeat, the world around us seemed to freeze. The pulsing lights, the thrumming bass, and the laughing crowd all faded into the background.
In that instant, nothing else mattered. The crowd, the music, the flashing lights, all of it blurred into nothingness. It had always been that way with her. Whenever she was near, the world shrank until it was only the two of us, as if time itself conspired to hold its breath and leave us suspended in that fragile, unshakable connection.
Then, something magical happened. She smiled.
It wasn't the fake smile I'd imagined she would give me. It wasn't the cold, dismissive one I'd feared. It was genuine and warm, reaching all the way to her eyes, making my chest ache with a decade of longing.
Everything around her seemed to blur, leaving only Lily in perfect focus. It was as if a spotlight had found her in the crowd, illuminating her while the rest of the world faded to shadow.
At that moment, it felt like there was no one else in the room. No one else in the world. Just us, connected across time and space by a look that said more than words ever could.
And how could it not be? She was the only thing that mattered among everything around me. She was the light amidst all this darkness. And the only one who could make what I had inside finally come out freely.
I took an involuntary step forward, drawn to her by an impulse as ancient and undeniable as gravity. There's something about reuniting with someone who once knew every inch of your soul; it's like finding a piece of yourself you didn't realize was missing until it's suddenly there in front of you again.
But then reality crashed back in. The music, the crowd, the years between us filled with hurt and misunderstanding.
Her smile slipped from her face. Like, she also realized what was happening.
So, I did the most righteous thing I could have done for her at that moment. The most humane thing. The most sensible thing.
I turned around and left.
Pushing through the crowd without a backward glance, I muttered a quick excuse to my confused friends, grabbed my jacket from the booth, and headed for the exit.
I'd been waiting for that moment for ten years. The moment I could finally see her again. But I wasn't as ready as I thought.
