The breeze intensified a little, making me stop to think about my next words.
"I don't know what to do," I admitted. "Part of me wants to pretend he doesn't exist. Part of me wants to run away again. And part of me..."
I couldn't finish the thought. I couldn't admit, even to my mother's memory, that a small, traitorous part of me had felt something like hope when I'd seen his face again on the screen.
Hope for what? I didn't know. Didn't want to know.
Hope to stop having regrets?
"I wish you were here to tell me what to do," I said. "You always knew the right thing to say."
I sat with her a while longer, letting the silence speak for both of us. Then I gathered myself, promised to visit again soon, and picked up the second bouquet, soft blue forget-me-nots this time.
I walked to another section of the cemetery, my steps slowing as I approached a familiar tombstone, one created 10 years ago and should never have existed. I placed the flowers carefully at the base of the stone, my fingers lingering on the cool marble.
I stood up and said out loud, "Would you forgive him if you were me? Because of him, you don't get the justice you truly deserve, and you probably never will. How would you feel in my situation?"
CHAPTER 5
Kyle
Kyle: I haven't had the chance to see you yet, but I hope our time comes soon.
Kyle: Tell me, Lily, are you really hiding from me? Or is this another trick of destiny?
To Kyle,finally back where he belongs!" Tom lifted his glass, the amber liquid trembling near the rim.
"To Kyle!" the group echoed, clinking their glasses together over the sticky surface of the table.
I smiled, genuinely happy for the first time in days. After a week of failed attempts to casually run into Lily at work, I'd almost forgotten what it felt like to simply enjoy myself.
The bar was packed for a Saturday night, the kind of local haunt that hadn't changed in the decade I'd been gone. Same worn booths, same questionable cocktail menu, same classic music playing just loud enough to make conversation a challenge. It felt like stepping back in time.
"I need to catch up on everything that's happened in thiscity while I was away," I told my friends after a few sips of my drink.
"Well, well," said Mike, "Where would you like to start?"
"I don't know, tell me about all of you, about our friends at school, about the teachers." The reality was that I wasn't interested in knowing much about all those people. There was just one name in my mind that I needed to hear about, and I wanted one of them to mention her before me so I could know what they knew about her without looking like a creepy stalker who couldn't get over his ex.
"We talk almost every day via the group chat, so you know most of what is happening in our lives," Tom responded, "but Jennifer and Raul broke up after having the baby."
"Really? They seemed like a solid couple. What a shame." I replied, trying to sound excited to people I had never even thought of for those years. "Anything else?"
Jared looked at me with a mischievous smile, like he knew why I was asking about people from school, but decided to play the innocent game. "Our favorite teacher, Florence, stopped teaching at the school right after you left for Sydney. No one has seen her around town since. Apparently, she got tired of having to deal with children."
"And I don't blame her," Tom added, "I would have run away from this town too after everything that happened that year."
"She was so hot," Mike emphasized, "I'd love to see how she looks now, maybe this time I'll get a chance that I’m a grown ass man."
I couldn't be more bored about this conversation, but I missed my friends, so I tried to stay chill. "Mike, you're uglier than hell. I don't think you could’ve had a chance even if you were the richest man in town right now."
They all laughed, and I took a sip of my drink, hoping they would change the topic now.
"So," Mike leaned forward, practically shouting to be heard over the music, "any ladies catch your eye since you've been back, or are you still hung up on Sydney girls?"
I laughed, shaking my head. "Been too busy settling in to think about that."
It was a lie, of course. There was only one woman on my mind right now, and she'd been there for the better part of ten years in one way or another.
