“Oh, Luca. You are so sweet,” she said, opening the door for me to enter. “Let’s put them in some water.”
“Yes, ma’am.” I went to her kitchen and found a tall glass to put them in. “I heard you haven’t been out much lately, and I know how much you enjoy them.”
As I cut the stems and ran the water, I looked around her apartment. It wasn’t as tidy as usual, but that wasn’t surprising for someone her age. Without anyone coming by regularly to check on her, it was easy to let things go to the wayside.
“How are you enjoying the meals that are being delivered?”
She smiled softly as she sat down in her recliner. “I don’t have much of an appetite these days. It’s been too hot to eat.”
When I had the flowers arranged, I placed them next to her chair. “But you need to eat something. Are you feeling okay? Is there something I can do for you? You know if you’d like more socialization, we could look into one of our assisted-living communities.”
“I don’t want to move. I just want to live my days here in this place. It’s been home for 55 years.”
I took her hand to assess her temperature. “I know. And rent-controlled apartments are hard to find.”
“That’s why I’m staying here.” She looked me over. “How are you doing, dear? How much longer do you have in school?”
“I’m almost finished. This is the last semester.”
“I’m sure you’re happy about that.”
I would be when that weight was off my shoulders. “Very. It should give me more time to visit my favorite people.”
We talked for a while, and I finally convinced her to eat. I warmed up one of the meals that had been delivered.
“When was the last time you went in for a checkup?”
She waved the fork in the air. “I don’t need to go to the doctor. I’m fine.”
I heard Axel in my head.That’s not what I asked.“Well, I think we should get Miss Shirley to take you to get a checkup and get your flu shot. It’s time.”
She waved her fork again in a hesitant agreement. “I’ll make the appointment for you.”
“You don’t have to do that, Luca. I can do it.”
“I want to,” I said, taking my phone out to add it to my calendar for tomorrow.
When she was finished, I stood and went to the door. “I’ll be back next week to check on you. I’ll bring you another bouquet to replace that one.” I turned and took her hand. “You will call the office if you need anything, right?”
“I promise.” She squeezed back. “I’m proud of you. If I had a grandson, I’d want him to be just like you. Thank you for looking after me.”
Bending down, I hugged her. “It’s my pleasure. I’ll see you next week.”
“Okay, sweetheart,” she said, locking the door behind me.
If I had known that was the last time I’d see her, I would have stayed longer. Would have had her tell me more stories about growing up in New York City. About her husband before he died. I had immense guilt for waiting a week to check on her.
When another call came in five days later, notifying us that Claudette had passed away, it hit me harder than I expected. I quietly held myself together until the end of the day, not allowing the pain I felt to show. Every time I lost one of them, it made me wonder how I could do it much longer. Loss over and over tore at my soul.
I sat in my car, in Axel’s driveway, waiting for him to come home from practice. They were home, with no game until Wednesday. I’d held it in all day, but as soon as I saw him, Icouldn’t do it any longer. She was like family, the pieces that I never had.
When he found me in my car, head on the steering wheel, all it took was one look to breach the dam of pain I’d been holding back. Axel opened the door, then squatted down beside me. My heart ached, and he was the only one who could help me. “What’s wrong, baby? What happened?” Turning in my seat, I reached for him, crying in his neck, words unable to form. He held me until I stopped crying. His knees had to be killing him. “Come on, let’s go in the house. I want to hear it all.”
When we were settled on the sofa, he pulled me into his lap.
“I’m not sure I’m cut out for this job. I thought I was. All this time, all the school work, but every time I lose one, it takes a little piece of me with them. I thought I was doing the right thing. I just don’t know if I can do this. I don’t know that I’m strong enough.”
Axel held me close. “What happened?”
