“One thing we can do, I score a fuck ton of points, and keep the heat off the defense,” Lennox said.
“We got this,” Drew added. “Don’t worry.”
They didn’t have it. Our defensive game with Portland was a shitshow. I was all over the place, short-tempered, and a fucking mess. I’d never allowed anything to interfere with my professionalism. But I also hadn’t been in love with my teammate or been on the verge of losing him. We both tried to focus, but every time I looked up at the scoreboard, all I fixated on was the clock ticking down.
By halftime, we were down 28-14. Coach talked a good game, but I’d missed tackles and Colin let Greg Foster, Portland’s big tight end, slip through his fingers.
The Pirates wanted it more than we did, and I felt like a failure for letting my team down. But when I looked across the locker room and saw the love of my life, it just didn’t matteranymore. I wanted him more than a trip to the Super Bowl, and no matter how hard I tried to get into the game, I failed.
We ended up losing 49-28. Portland’s defense was spot on, even without their linebacker, Patrick Griffin. Declan Miller, Portland’s running back, found holes in our line and secondary that we couldn’t plug.
At the end of the game, we met them in the middle of the field. Colin was by my side, taking advantage of every moment we had. The stadium and everyone in it fell away.
“I wanted to speak to Alex, then we can go. Want to meet him?”
He shook his head. “No. I’ll meet you in the locker room.”
I grabbed his hand and squeezed it. “I love you. Don’t forget that.”
His head bounced as his eyes clouded. “I’m sorry I wasn’t more help.”
“Baby,” I crooned, trying to hold it in. “This isn’t on you. This is on all of us. We’re a team, not a one-man show. And they just wanted it more than we did.”
Colin swallowed thickly. “Yeah. Okay.”
I wasn’t sure he believed me, but I’d have time to convince him later when we got home.
His hand slipped from mine as he turned and walked toward the tunnel.
“Kearney,” I called, my voice cracking. I was trying not to lose it here on the field.
Colin turned and looked at me. “I love you.”
He smiled sadly. “I know. And I love you.”
I watched as he made his way to the tunnel, then disappeared from my view.
I walked around until I found Alex with his husband and kids. I wished Colin had stayed to meet them, but I only neededa moment to pay my respects to the first openly queer NFL quarterback.
When I walked up, my friend patted me on the shoulder and shook hands with Alex. “Good luck, man. We’re pulling for you to win it all.”
He smiled. “Thanks again, Lennox. I appreciate it.”
Lennox turned to me. “I’ll see you in the locker room.”
I nodded as he walked away, then Alex spoke.
“Lennox was telling me about what happened. I’m really sorry,” he said. “I’m not sure I would have played as well as you did if I got news like that.”
I smiled. “Thanks, but I’m happy you get to go out with the bowl.”
He smiled, then held his hand out. When I took it, he pulled me into a hug. “Hang in there, man. Everything happens for a reason. Maybe this means there’s a better solution to his immigration problems you haven’t considered.”
As the press swarmed around us, and the on-field ceremony was about to start, I shook his hand and headed to Colin.
When I got back to the locker room, he was waiting. Freshly showered and dressed in his suit, he was talking to Lucas. I shoved down all my jealousy and headed to the shower. Making quick work of it, I hurried and returned to my stall to dress.
Coach came in and everyone settled down. This was the end of our season, and as much as I wanted to get out of there, I knew he’d want to say a few words.
