Tears welled in my eyes. She’d never needed me before because she always had my father to rely on. “I’m here, Mom. I’m here.”
She cried more before getting herself together. I kissed her hair and hugged her tightly, bracing myself for her answer. “Where’s Dad?”
She pulled back and wiped her eyes. “He’s gone down for testing. They think he might need bypass surgery.”
I didn’t know what to say, so I just held her, letting her know she wasn’t alone. And when she’d settled, she continued talking.
“He’s stable right now. But they have him on blood thinners until they figure out what’s wrong. He could bleed out in the operating room.”
What was I supposed to say? I wanted to be supportive, but I also couldn’t offer false hope to set her up for a harder fall.
“Don’t get ahead of yourself. Let’s wait and see what the doctors say. Okay?”
She leaned away and fisted my shirt in her hands. Her eyes were bloodshot and swollen, but she cut me deeper than any physical wound ever could.
“What am I going to do if he dies? I’ll have lost everything. Him and your brother. I’ll have nothing left. And I’ll be alone.”
She confirmed what I’d always known. I didn’t matter. I was invisible to her. But before I offer any platitudes on how she’d never be alone as long as she had me, the door opened and he was wheeled back into the room.
Pushing out of my arms, she wiped her face before going to his bedside. She pasted on a smile as my father was brought back in, his monitor beeping and an IV drip attached to the bed.
“Mrs. Trainor,” the nurse said, “the doctor will be in shortly to let you know the results, but for right now, we’re keeping everything as is until we get a new order from him.”
The nurse glanced over at me and gave a small smile. “And who might this be?”
Without looking at me, my mother answered. “This is Brent.”
The hurt I tried to push down must have shown, or she was just experienced at reading people.
“Hello, Brent. I’m sure your father is happy you’re here.”
I watched as my father’s eyes met mine. Smiling, I walked over to his bedside and reached for his hand.
“Hey, Dad. How are you feeling?”
His face inched up into a small smile. “Like I’ve had an elephant sit on my chest. But it’s much better now. I’m glad you came. We’re going to need you.”
My heart swelled as I nodded like an eager kid. “Of course. I’m here for anything you need. I can stay with you at night so Mom can get some rest. GQ won’t have a problem with me staying.”
“You don’t need to stay here, son,” he said. “But what I really need is for you to look after the dog while I’m in here. Mom will stay with me. We’re used to it being just the two of us.”
I glanced over at the nurse, who gave me a pitying look as she charted his vitals. Embarrassment for being dismissed and shame that I ever thought I might be important to them filled me up.
“Your father's right. I’ll be staying here with him until he’s discharged. You can go to the house and make sure Winston gets fed and taken outside.”
Hurt and rage fought for dominance inside of me. I put my hands on my hips and ground my teeth together to keep myself from saying something I’d regret. I tried to suppress it all as much as I could, but I couldn’t stop it. “So you called me to come dog sit.”
My mother looked at me as if she were confused. “Yes, son. I called you to come help. And that’s what we need. You to take care of the dog while we’re here.”
Why had I bothered to answer her call? Things were no different from they were back then.
“So you don’t need me here at the hospital, just at home,” I clarified. I needed to hear her say it.
She huffed out a breath and skewered me with her gaze. “Yes, Brent. Why are you being so difficult?”
Taking in a deep breath, I pushed the pain down and nodded. “I’ll take care of it.”
I stepped back and leaned against the wall until the doctor came in. My parents talked to each other, but never acknowledged me. If I thought they really cared, I’d say they were mad at me for leaving Colorado. But I knew that wasn’t the case. When my brother died, they had essentially buried me, too.
