“You’re not going to lose me. Never.”
“How are we going to do this?”
I hold her tighter. I’m not sure. It will be hard. But I know we’ll find a way. We have to because I’m not willing to lose her.
“Come back to bed,” I say and pick her up into my arms. “You’re not leaving just yet and I plan to spend as much time with you as I can.”
She doesn’t resist. Instead, she sinks into my body and kisses me until we both stumble onto my cold sheets.
Sage
Casey and I make love the rest of the day, sometimes slowly, often fervently. I know it won’t be the last time I’ll see him, but I don’t know when the next time will be. So, greedily I hold him and love him with every tender intention.
I can’t believe how easily he accepted my decision. I don’t know why I expected him to be angry. Perhaps, I worried that I would disappoint him and that he would feel abandoned. But perhaps that’s more of my hang up than his.
Casey has taught me that to love someone isn’t always a sacrifice. It’s more about compromise and understanding. I thought I had to lose something to prove how much I care for him. But I don’t, we just need to figure it out together. My parents gave up their home, and I always thought it was the reason we were so scattered. I felt untethered, always bouncing from one place to the next. I thought loyalty would be staying in one place, but I was wrong.
*
I’ve been in New York for a couple of weeks. The first week was the hardest. Casey helped me find an apartment. Every time I called the realtor about a unit, it was out of my price range, but then Casey found another place only two blocks from work for a crazy cheap price. I believe he paid the landlord an advance, but both are tight lipped so I can’t prove it.
Professor Fox has been generous with his time, showing me around the hospital. I’m working with a group of hockey players, trying to figure out new ways to quickly recover from their injuries. It’s rewarding work but I can’t say that I’m not lonely when I get home.
Casey’s always there when I need him. Unless he’s on the mound, he answers my video calls. I love seeing his smile when he picks up the phone. He cheers me up every time. I don’t know if I’m sad because I miss him or that I’m lonely in general. I miss my friends back home. I even miss Mrs. Green.
I’m trying to figure this out, thinking perhaps it’s normal to miss the things we love. I just have to stop feeling guilty about it.
“Sage? Sage, did you hear me?”
I shake my head and look up at the woman leaning against the door frame. Lily, our receptionist, stares at me. “Ingrid Erikson is here. Are you ready for her?”
“Yes, of course. Please bring her in.”
Lily lingers at the door. “Is everything all right?”
I smile, albeit it feels forced. “Yes.”
She nods, and a few seconds later, a tall, muscular blonde walks in with a cheerful grin. “Hey, how’s it going, Sage?”
“Good, Ingrid. How are you feeling?”
“Much better, actually. I can barely feel that twitch in my knee.”
“Really? Let me take a look.”
She pulls up her pant leg, exposing her right knee. Slipping on a pair of gloves, I examine the tissue around her knee joint.There’s no swelling nor is there any clicking when she moves it. “Keep your thigh straight and just move your calf to the right. Do you feel anything now?”
Ingrid shakes her head. “Nope. Nothing.”
I nod and make a note in her chart. “That’s wonderful. The last round of therapy really made a difference.”
“Sure did. I felt great afterwards.”
I check off all the exercises Ingrid tells me she completed this week and sit back with a smile. “You’ll have to speak to Dr. Liu, but I think you’ll be back on the ice by the end of the week.”
Her grin widens and she throws her head back. “Thank God. I’ve been going nuts sitting on the bench while everybody else has fun. Thank you.”
I grin and close her file. “You’ve been an excellent patient. You should thank yourself.”
