“What are you smiling about now? And, more importantly, what happened to your lip?” Janel looked at me, scowling. I immediately turned serious again and instinctively raised a hand to my mouth. The mark from Neil’s bite was still clearly visible there, to say nothing of my back, which was still recovering from the merciless way he’d taken me up against that wall.
Like always, he’d been rough and impetuous.
Someone else, perhaps, wouldn’t have allowed him to impose himself like that, but I had enjoyed it.
Once again, it occurred to me what a deviant Neil had made of me.
I no longer believed in Prince Charmings or fairy tales. I’d even quit reading the romance novels I used to love so much. I had learned by then that there was no such thing as the perfect man, especially not Neil. He was like a dark knight with a heart swathed in shadows. His golden eyes glowed with a deceptive brightness, and his magnificent outer appearance enthralled everyone he met.
There was nothing of the fairy tale in him, nothing fantastical or noble.
He was a devotee of sex, an able seducer, and a lover of perversion.
My decision to be with him implied that I accepted him in his totality, the good and the bad. Even though I knew he’d never really allow me into his soul.
He’d been clear: He’d let me be with him but not as a partner or a girlfriend.
Did that mean I wouldn’t get the exclusivity I wanted?
I didn’t think so.
I sometimes believed that I meant something to him, like the night he told me about Kim. At other times, though, I felt completely insignificant. After all, if he really valued me in any way, he would have long ago given up the other women, and yet that hadn’t happened, and it probably never would.
I sighed, upset.
I clung to the hope that I had finally earned some trust from him after all we had been through. I knew that it had been hard for Neil to tell me about himself and especially about Kimberly Bennett, though I got the sense that he’d left out a lot of information.
I still remembered the room full of hidden boxes I had found during my stay in New York. The newspapers I’d only caught a glimpse of had said something about a scandal, a dark figure, and the children of the shadows…
What if the truth about his babysitter was something even more terrifying?
Something even more dangerous?
Something that Neil was afraid to tell me?
Too many doubts were still swirling around in my head. His confession that he’d been abused hadn’t come as a surprise to me, after all. I’d had my suspicions from the start, and then Logan himself had dropped some hints at the beach house about what had happened to his brother. I’d never told Neil that, though, because I didn’t want them to get into some awful argument.
Still, I appreciated Neil’s willingness to confide in me, even if it was the edited version.
I came back to the present moment and turned my eyes to Janel, who was arguing with Bailey about my appearance—the hickeys around my throat, the bite mark on my lip, the dark circles under my eyes, and my head-in-the-clouds attitude of late.
“Janel, I’m never going to turn on Neil, and I’m not looking for your blessing or anyone else’s,” I told her sharply, and she looked at me in shock. “That’s enough for now. I need to get ready,” I added, getting up off the sofa.
Bailey frowned at me, and Janel tilted her head to one side, still surprised by my outrage.
“Ready for what?” Bailey asked me, putting the bag of Cheetos down on the coffee table.
“To go to New York.”
I had made the decision to go without thinking about what to tell my mother or how I could defend my choice to her.
She knew about my rancorous relationship with Matt, which had recently only gotten even worse, so telling her I wanted to visit my father for a little while wouldn’t work. But I couldn’t tell her that I wanted to be with Neil either. I had a suspicion that it had actually been my mother who had caused him to leave looking so disillusioned the last time. Maybe they’d had a conversation while I wasn’t around. I felt trapped, and the only solution I could think of was to drag Bailey into my evil scheme, which I had only just devised that morning.
I was going to leave for New York that afternoon and come back the following evening, but I’d tell my mother that I was staying over at Bailey’s during that time.
Bailey, after a few moments’ hesitation, supported me. Unlike Janel, who thought my little white lie was a terrible idea. After the latter left, Bailey andI waited for my mother to get back from work. Then we told her our lie, and she bought it. She seemed pleased at the idea of me spending time with my friend, possibly because she wanted me to put Neil out of my mind and begin to think clearly again in a way I hadn’t since I’d met him.
I myself couldn’t believe I was about to do such a thing. I’d even considered not telling Neil I was coming and surprising him, but I needed someone to pick me up at the airport, so I had to abandon that idea and text him.
